10 Signs You Might Need Infidelity Therapy

Infidelity is painful and can be a challenging experience for any couple to go through. Whether it was a one-night stand, an ongoing affair, or something in the emotional gray area, betrayal can shake up any relationship. You might feel lost or unsure of what happens next. Do you try to rebuild? Is it even possible? And if so, how?

Many couples assume they must figure it out alone—or that time will naturally heal the wounds. But here’s the truth: healing from infidelity takes work, and an infidelity therapist can help process these hard-to-deal-with emotions and education about what happens post-affair.

If you’re wondering whether therapy could make a difference in your relationship, these are 10 things to look for if you’re contemplating infidelity therapy.

1. You Can’t Seem to Get Past the Betrayal

No matter how much you try to move forward, the pain of what happened doesn’t seem to go away. You may be replaying the moment you found out repeatedly, obsess over the affair partner, or certain things trigger waves of anger and immense sadness. If infidelity still feels like an open wound—weeks, months, or even years later—therapy can help you process the emotions in a way that leads to healing and rebuilding trust.

2. Conversations Keep Turning Into Fights

You try to talk about it, but it always ends in frustration. The betrayed partner might feel dismissed, while the unfaithful partner feels like nothing they do is enough, and the cycle continues. The cycle repeats: accusations, defensiveness, shutting down. At some point, you stop trying altogether. A therapist can help you break this pattern, creating a space where conversations are productive and healthier instead of painful, hurtful, and unproductive.

3. Trust Feels Impossible to Rebuild

Even if you both want to repair the relationship, trust can feel like a distant memory, or it could have never existed in your relationship. The betrayed partner might constantly check for signs of dishonesty, while the unfaithful partner feels they’ll never be forgiven. Rebuilding trust isn’t about pretending everything is okay; it is about getting to an understanding.

4. One (or Both) of You Is Holding in Resentment

It’s common for resentment to build after infidelity. The betrayed partner may struggle with anger, while the partner who cheated might feel judged or like they can’t do anything right. When resentment goes unspoken, it continues.

5. You’re Stuck in a Cycle of Guilt and Shame

For the unfaithful partner, guilt can be overwhelming, and it might seem like your partner will never forgive you. You may feel like no matter what you do, it’s never enough to make up for the hurt you caused. Shame can paralyze you from fully showing up in the relationship. Therapy helps untangle guilt from shame, allowing you to take responsibility without getting lost in self-loathing.

6. You’re Considering Leaving But Aren’t Sure If You Should

Some couples walk into therapy knowing they want to rebuild. Others are unsure. If you’re stuck in the “should I stay or should I go?” stage, a therapist can help you sort through your feelings without pressure or judgment. There are different types of therapy: divorce, discernment, and couples counseling. You don’t have to make a rushed decision. Therapy enables you to explore what healing looks like so you can make the best choice for yourself.

7. Intimacy Feels Difficult or Nonexistent

After infidelity, physical and emotional intimacy often takes a nosedive. Some couples struggle with distance, while others rush back into intimacy without fully addressing the emotional wounds and it comes back in other ways. Either way, it isn’t very easy. Therapy can help rebuild a sense of emotional safety, which is key to physically and emotionally reconnecting.

8. There’s a Fear That It Could Happen Again

Maybe it was a one-time betrayal, but there’s still a lingering fear: What if it happens again? The betrayed partner might be hyper-aware of every suspicious behavior, while the unfaithful partner may feel under a microscope. This level of anxiety can make it hard to move forward. A therapist helps with these fears in a way that heals rather than more tension.

9. You Feel Alone in the Healing Process

Infidelity can feel isolating. Friends and family may have opinions—but they aren’t the ones living your relationship. You might feel like no one truly understands what you’re going through. A couple talking to friends and family builds further resentment and anger toward the partner who betrayed them. A therapist provides a neutral, non-judgmental space where you can process everything without pressure or outside influence.

10. You Want to Move Forward—But Don’t Know How

Even if you both want to stay together, it’s hard to know what moving forward looks like. Do you “forgive and forget”? Do you need to talk about it every day? How do you stop the pain from creeping back in? Healing from infidelity is a process, not a single decision. A therapist can help create a step-by-step plan for rebuilding trust and emotional connection in a couple.

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Go Through Infidelity Alone

Infidelity is painful, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship. Whether you want to repair, rebuild, or process what happened to you and your partner, you don’t have to do it alone. Many individuals can develop severe anxiety or PTSD after an affair because of the emotions involved. Therapy isn’t about assigning blame but helping both partners heal healthily and productively.

Find Affair Recovery Support With an Infidelity Counselor

If you’re struggling with infidelity in your marriage or partnership and aren’t sure where to turn, counseling can help. Schedule a session today to start working through the pain and finding clarity in your next steps.