ADHD and Limerence: When a Crush Becomes a Mental Spiral
ADHD and Limerence:
When a Crush Becomes a Mental Spiral
You know that feeling when someone new enters your world and suddenly… they’re all you can think about?
You replay every conversation.
You overanalyze every text.
You imagine your entire future together after one flirty exchange.
And when they don’t respond right away? It’s like your stomach drops and your mind starts racing.
If this sounds familiar—and you have ADHD—there’s a good chance you’ve experienced limerence.
Let’s talk about what limerence actually is, why it hits differently for folks with ADHD, and how you can take care of yourself when your heart is all-in but your head is struggling to keep up.
Wait, What Is Limerence?
Limerence is kind of like a turbo-charged crush. It’s not just “I like this person.” It’s “I can’t stop thinking about this person, even when I want to.”
It often includes:
Obsessive thoughts about them
Overanalyzing every little interaction
Intense daydreaming or fantasy
Mood swings depending on how much attention you’re getting
Feeling like you need their response or interest to feel okay
It’s emotional, it’s overwhelming, and it’s exhausting. Especially if you already deal with ADHD.
Why Limerence and ADHD Are Often Linked
If you live with ADHD, you probably know what it’s like to feel things deeply. You might also know what it’s like to hyperfocus—on a project, a task, or yes… a person.
Here’s why limerence can hit harder for folks with ADHD:
1. Big Feelings Are the Norm
You don’t do lukewarm. When you feel connected to someone, you feel it. That emotional intensity can make new connections feel magical… and also overwhelming.
2. Hyperfocus Feeds the Spiral
When someone catches your attention, your focus can zoom in on them like a laser. You think about them constantly, sometimes without meaning to. It’s like your mind just keeps looping back.
3. Rejection Sensitivity Is Real
Many people with ADHD are highly sensitive to rejection—real or imagined. So when a text goes unanswered or a vibe changes slightly, it can hit hard.
4. Newness = Stimulation
ADHD often comes with a craving for novelty. And nothing feels more novel—or exciting—than a new crush who might like you back.
“Is This Just a Crush… or Something More?”
Great question. A lot of people experience limerence without realizing that’s what it is.
So here are a few signs it’s starting to take over:
You’re struggling to focus at work or in conversations because your thoughts keep circling back
You feel anxious or low if you don’t hear from them
You fantasize about being with them more than you actually interact with them
You’re looking for “signs” that they like you in every little thing they do
You feel like your self-worth depends on their attention
It’s okay if this is happening. It doesn’t make you dramatic or immature. It means your emotions need some care—and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
What If You’re the One Doing the Limerencing?
Sometimes it’s not about being on the receiving end—it’s you who’s fallen deep into a crush spiral, and you can’t seem to pull yourself out.
You might be:
Fantasizing about someone you barely know
Reaching out too often and then feeling anxious about it
Mentally rewriting convos to make them go “better”
Feeling embarrassed because you know it’s intense but can’t stop
You’re not clingy. You’re just emotionally wired in a way that makes connection feel really powerful.
Here’s the truth: you’re allowed to feel deeply. But you’re also allowed to take a breath and slow the pace down so your nervous system can catch up.
So… What Can You Do When Limerence Takes Over?
Let’s be real: telling yourself to “just stop thinking about them” rarely works. So instead, try this:
✨ Name What’s Happening
Sometimes just saying, “Okay, this is limerence,” helps. You’re not going wild—you’re having a very human reaction to someone who activated your emotions and attention in a big way.
✨ Ground in the Present
Ask yourself:
What do I actually know about this person?
How do I feel about myself when I’m around them?
Do they make me feel safe, or just stimulated?
These aren’t judgmental questions—they’re check-ins.
✨ Fill the Gaps
Limerence often fills an emotional void. If your life feels boring, lonely, or under-stimulated, this person becomes the most exciting thing happening. Try adding other small sources of joy—like movement, creativity, or time with safe people.
✨ Journal It Out
No filters, no edits. Just write what you’re feeling. It’s a way to release the thoughts instead of stuffing them down or feeding them more.
✨ Talk to Someone Who Gets It
You’re not crazy. You’re not “too much.” Therapy can be a great space to work through this, especially with someone who understands ADHD, emotional intensity, and how complicated relationships can feel.
And What If They Do Like You Back?
This is where it gets even trickier. Because sometimes, limerence does lead to something real—and then things shift.
When the initial emotional high fades (which it usually does), you might start to feel:
Less sure
A little bored
Overwhelmed by the “realness” of intimacy
This is normal. Limerence is the spark. But real connection takes time, pacing, and emotional safety—not just intensity.
Final Thought: You’re Not Too Intense. You’re Human.
If you’ve ever been caught in a whirlwind crush that took over your mind and heart, you’re not alone.
And if you’ve felt ashamed for “falling too fast” or “caring too much”—please don’t be.
Your sensitivity is not a flaw.
Your feelings are valid.
You just deserve connection that doesn’t drain or confuse you.
Limerence isn’t love. It’s a spark, a longing, a reaction to something inside you that’s reaching for closeness.
With time, support, and curiosity, you can learn how to feel deeply without losing yourself in the process.
Looking for ADHD-Supportive Therapy in Texas?
I offer virtual counseling across Texas for adults navigating emotional intensity, limerence, ADHD, and relationship patterns that feel hard to explain.
If you’re tired of spiraling and ready for a steadier connection—with others and yourself—therapy can help.
Book a free consultation today. You don’t have to untangle this alone.
