BPD and Cheating
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex condition that is characterized in the DSM-5 as having intense emotions that are difficult to regulate. A few common symptoms of BPD are:
• Intense fears of abandonment
• Difficulty trusting others
• Disassociation under stressful situations
• Distorted self-image
• Unstable relationships
• Impulsivity
• Intense emotional mood swings
There is a question that is often asked, and that is BPD and its connection to cheating or infidelity of any type. When BPD is involved, it can complicate relationships, especially during periods of emotional distress and impulsivity, which are key features of BPD. In this article, we will discuss the relationship between BPD and cheating and how they can overlap and also discuss the impact on interpersonal and romantic relationships.
If you're in a BPD relationship, to understand what emotional manipulation looks like and how gaslighting may occur, it is important to be knowledgeable and know when to seek help as an individual or couple.
Trust is the glue that keeps relationships together; without it, there can be conflict. Trust is tough in BPD relationships, as we will explain more in the article.
Hopefully, after reading this article, you can better understand the strategies and features of BPD and cheating. Through educating yourself and understanding, whether you're in a BPD relationship or were affected by a BPD relationship, we are here to help shed some light on the matter and look at it with compassion and understanding, as BPD is a complex disorder.
What is BPD Disorder?
An estimated 1.6% of people have BPD in adults; this is an estimate, and the rate may be higher as BPD is commonly under or misdiagnosed. It is estimated that 40% of people with this disorder have received a wrong diagnosis, which is challenging. One of the reasons BPD can be misdiagnosed is due to the fact it overlaps with other mental health conditions such as depression, C-PTSD, bipolar disorder, or psychosis.
BPD is characterized by someone having patterns of intense emotions and impulsive behaviors. A person with BPD usually has a distorted sense of self and feels flawed, which can be the result of trauma. Someone may change their job often, friendships change, relationships change, and everything in their lives is constantly in flux. They may jump from one relationship to the next, jobs are never stable, burn bridges with the friends they make, and continuously change their goals or values. The instability of a person with BPD often is fueled by fear, abandonment, and rejection. If they jump around from job to job or relationship to relationship, they can avoid true vulnerability and separation; their fear of abandonment is the driving force. Another feature is unstable relationships caused by idealization.
In response to the fear of rejection or abandonment, a person with BPD often is involved in self-harming behaviors, suicidal threats, or behaviors.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) frequently coexists with a range of other conditions, including mood disorders, anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), eating disorders, dissociative disorders, addiction, psychosis, and somatoform disorders.
By understanding the causes of BPD and what BPD is, it will make more sense of the link with infidelity and BPD.
Can Both Women and Men Have BPD?
Many individuals are misdiagnosed because of the typical stereotype of gender roles within a BPD diagnosis. The rates of men and women having BPD are the same. The issue is that males tend to be underdiagnosed while females are typically overdiagnosed due to the fact of some of the features, as we explained earlier on the features of BPD and how it shows up. For instance, women are stereotypically the "emotional types" vs. men, and one of the many reasons they are overdiagnosed compared to men. Women are also featured in more studies than men when studying BPD. Through proper education and treatment, individuals with BPD can get the help they need.
What Causes BPD?
The development of BPD is often misunderstood in the therapy community as BPD is multifaceted and can stem from many areas and factors. Childhood plays a key role in BPD as children who experience high amounts of abuse, neglect, abandonment, parental or caregiver mental illness, or poverty environments can potentially be a precursor to a BPD diagnosis. Additionally, individuals who have had sexual, physical, or emotional abuse or any type of mistreatment or neglect as children are more at risk. To keep in mind, just because someone experienced trauma or abandonment as a child doesn't always mean they will have BPD; it elevates the risk.
Genetic predisposition also plays a role, with BPD often exhibiting family patterns. Recent research shows the interplay between genes, such as FKBP5 polymorphisms and CRHR2 variants, and environmental factors, such as abuse and neglect.
Dysregulation of brain chemicals such as serotonin, is linked to various conditions, including BPD. Serotonin's role in mental health, influencing mood and personality.
BPD and Relationships
In relationships, individuals with BPD can act impulsive causing their partners to feel insecure about their relationship. A characteristic of BPD is emotional instability and individuals who have BPD have a hard time creating stability for themselves and in romantic relationships.
Are People With BPD More Likely to Cheat?
Cheating happens if a person with BPD gets overly insecure and wants to cheat so they aren’t cheated on first or abandoned first. Ultimately, this comes from a place of fear and rejection. Another reason why someone with BPD may cheat is to stir up excitement in the relationship and to see how loyal their partner is to them. If they cheat and their partner comes back after repeated infidelity, they may think this is a loyal partner who truly loves them no matter what they do. This can create a negative and unhealthy relationship cycle.
Emotional dysregulation is another characteristic of an individual with BPD, they can experience intense waves of emotions and struggle to regulate these emotions. When this happens and they make an impulsive decision, this is where it gets sticky and cheating can happen.
It’s important to know that not all BPD individuals cheat on their partner but it is a question often asked. It is more that they are at an increased risk due to some of the characteristics of what BPD can bring into a relationship. Someone with BPD having such a strong fear of being abandoned combined with impulsivity is a recipe for cheating in the right circumstances.
If you’re dating someone with BPD or have BPD and seeking counseling, finding a counselor who can help with these issues as it can cause turmoil in partnerships and lead to unhealthy relationship patterns. Recovery is possible and learning how to have a better relationship is the first step.
BPD and Relationship Dynamics
BPD relationships are intense. There is a strong push and pull dynamic of love and hate. This is called splitting. It can lead to extremely unstable environments and relationships. BPD individuals have a difficult trusting from their fear of abandonment and unstable childhoods or trauma they have endured. In arugments it can be hard to get your point across if you’re dating someone with BPD because of their issue with taking everything personally and having a hard time being criticized as a fear of you not loving them anymore or the fear of their partner leaving.
Emotional Manipulation and BPD
Not everyone who has BPD is emotionally manipulative but it can happen and some of the disorders symptoms can manifest into these types of behaviors.
Some of the behaviors might include gaslighting, guilt-tripping and playing victim. By emotionally manipulating they can feel more in control and it helps them cope with their strong fear of abandonment.
Through understanding your partner better who has BPD is an important first step in having a good relationship.
Managing BPD in Relationships
The first step in managing BPD in relationships is patience. One of the first steps is having open conversations with empathy and honesty. Finding a counselor that can help is a way to implement some of these strategies with assistance.
Boundaries with BPD Relationships
Communication is important but so is maintaining your boundaries. Boundaries can help promote a balanced relationship and a sense of stability for you and your partner. Boundaries isn’t about control but about expressing your needs and having respect between you and your partner.
Therapy for BPD
Therapy whether individual or couples counseling is an important first step in getting the help you need. DBT is one of the most common used therapy in treating BPD. It focuses on emotional regulation, improving relationships and impulse control. While couples counseling will provide you and your partner a safe space to work through your issues together and have a therapist there for guidance to give you the tools and techniques you need for a healthier relationship.
Moving Forward and Scheduling a Session
If you’re ready to schedule a session, reach out to us today to help you with BPD or couples counseling if your partner has BPD. We are here to help you have a relationship you both can grow and thrive in by approaching BPD with compassion and understanding. BPD is a mental health disorder, not a character flaw and from deep wounds and traumas. Therapy is a way to get past the traumas and move toward a healthier you.
