Can an Affair Ever Lead to a Healthy Relationship?
Can an Affair Ever Lead to a Healthy Relationship?
This is a question we receive here at Sagebrush Counseling quite often. The question is much more powerful than one may realize, as it has all of the attributes of a standard question regarding relationships, infidelity, and success rates; yet it’s often the product of something which should not have happened in the first place (the affair) if everyone were on the same page and understood each other’s needs. With this being said, yes, although rare, an affair may lead to a healthy relationship. Below are some of the aspects you’ll want to consider prior to diving in head first into this new relationship which is a result of infidelity at its core.
The Initial Challenges
Affairs will often begin under the premise of secrecy and shadowy behavior. The initial allure of an affair can be intoxicating, hence why so many people choose to partake in such relationships. The simple thrill of being with someone else can produce feelings of uncontrollable lust and desire which can cloud the true feelings you’d have for the affair partner if you would’ve developed the relationship in a healthy way from the start. As the affair begins to take the place of the primary relationship, the previous thrills felt will often simmer down and this new relationship will likely begin to have the same attributes of the relationship you tossed away; leaving in their wake the realities of the betrayal and deceit which took place.
Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. When someone in the relationship has an affair, rebuilding the trust takes a lot of time, effort, and commitment. This rebuilding of trust is often the most important and daunting challenge when attempting to make a relationship which has started out initially as an affair work over the long run. With both partners in the affair relationship knowing the start of the relationship was formed on the basis of deceit, it can be difficult for one or both of the participants in the relationship to ever fully trust the other person.
The Role of Transparency
With any relationship which begins as an affair, there may be a transition into a healthy phase of the relationship, yet to achieve this phase, there needs to be a level of transparency displayed by both partners. Both partners should address the way in which they started the relationship, and have an open forum discussion where everything is laid out on the table. Being able to openly address all issues and feelings involved with this particular relationship can be quite healing in most cases, even if it’s painful to discuss at first. Some of these feelings may be feelings of guilt, betrayal, and the repercussions of choices which were made throughout this affair process which left many hurt along the way (children, ex-partners, family members, etc…).
Couples therapy for this relationship built on an affair can be very helpful, as it allows the couple to speak freely in a safe space. Navigating this transition from an affair to a full-fledged relationship can be challenging, yet with a skilled therapist, there can be great progress made as relational milestones are achieved in the form of establishing trust and building up communication skills to better convey true feelings along this journey.
The Potential for Change
Everyone is capable of change and growth, as long as they have the right tools to build themselves up into a better person. Relationships are no different. While yes, the odds are against you and your affair partner if you look at the data, this does not mean there cannot be outliers in the form of success stories. It is possible for relationships built on affairs to become healthy, normal relationships over time; it just takes a lot more work in most cases. Being able to foster honesty, mutual respect, and commitment to the relationship is key to seeing success over the coming days, months, and years.
Examples & Success Stories
There are examples of people who have started a relationship through an affair and have seen it through to the good side of things, yet as mentioned above, this is rare. The determining success factor for many of these relationships which started with an affair is the level of commitment both partners have for one another. If the affair relationship was simply looked at as a hookup or a short-term fling by one of the partners, it’s not going to work out. There needs to be a sense of level-headedness on behalf of both partners and a good understanding of what both want out of the relationship.
Choose Sagebrush Counseling for Your Counseling Needs Today
The likelihood of an affair transforming into a healthy, happy relationship cannot be dismissed outright, as there are certainly examples of successful relationships within the world of affair-based relationships. It’s just going to take a significant amount of work, much more than a relationship which was started with both partners being happily single and ready to mingle. This added level of work and commitment required to make an affair-based relationship a success is often too much for many who choose to partake. It’s important to remember this factor if you choose to see an affair-based relationship through to its fullest extent.
Every relationship is tough from time to time, even the ones which have started off a healthy foundation. If you’re up for it, creating a successful relationship out of an affair can be done, it’s just going to require transparency, trust, and commitment. If you’re interested in counseling services to help you navigate this oftentimes tough relationship dynamic, you’ll want to schedule an appointment using the button below. We’ll be sure to have you scheduled as soon as possible for an intake session to see if we’re the right solution for you. We look forward to hearing from you soon!
