Check-in Questions for Couples

Between work, errands, dinner plans, and the endless scroll of daily life, it’s easy to drift into autopilot with your partner. You might live under the same roof, share a routine, and even know each other’s coffee order by heart—but when’s the last time you really checked in?

Not just “how was your day?” but the kind of questions that make you slow down, look each other in the eye, and feel like you’re on the same team again.

If you’re feeling a little disconnected or just want to stay strong through the busyness, regular check-ins can work wonders. Think of them as little tune-ups for your relationship—low pressure, but high impact.

Here’s how to start, what to ask, and why it matters.

What Is a Relationship Check-In?

A relationship check-in is a short, intentional conversation where you and your partner pause to reconnect emotionally. It’s not a performance review or a therapy session—it’s simply a way to stay in sync.

Check-ins create space to talk about things that matter: feelings, needs, stress, affection, or just what’s been on your mind lately. The goal isn’t to fix everything—it's to listen, stay connected, and show up for each other.

How Often Should We Do It?

Weekly works well for most couples—pick a consistent time, like Sunday night or after dinner on Friday. Make it something you look forward to, not dread. Light a candle, pour a drink, sit outside. This should feel like connection, not homework.

Even 15–20 minutes is enough. And if things feel off that week? Stay a little longer. If things feel great? Celebrate that too.

Ground Rules (So It Doesn’t Turn into a Fight)

Before diving into questions, here are a few quick reminders to help your check-in feel safe and supportive:

• Listen without interrupting.

• Don’t problem-solve right away—sometimes just being heard is enough.

• Validate each other’s feelings (even if you don’t agree).

• Stay curious, not critical.

• End with something positive, even if it was a tough check-in.

15 Check-In Questions That Go Beyond “How Was Your Day?”

Try choosing 3–5 of these each week (or take turns picking). The key? Be honest, be kind, and don’t rush.

1. What felt good in our relationship this week?

This helps you both focus on what’s working, not just what’s not.

2. Is there anything I did that made you feel especially loved or appreciated?

Celebrate the small wins.

3. Is there anything I did that hurt or bothered you, even a little?

Give gentle space to clear the air before resentment builds.

4. How are you feeling emotionally right now?

Stress, sadness, joy, numbness—whatever it is, it deserves a voice.

5. Is there anything you need more or less of from me right now?

This one’s magic. Ask it weekly.

6. What’s been weighing on your mind this week?

Sometimes you just need to vent. Let your partner be your safe space.

7. How’s our intimacy been feeling to you lately?

Not just physical—emotional, too. What brings you closer?

8. What’s one thing we can do together next week for fun?

Connection grows through joy, not just deep talks.

9. How can I better support you right now?

Everyone’s needs shift. Asking this regularly prevents assumptions.

10. What’s something you’ve been craving—emotionally, physically, or otherwise?

This helps you learn what your partner is longing for without shame or judgment.

11. Do you feel seen and appreciated in our relationship?

Sometimes the answer surprises you.

12. How are we doing at resolving conflict lately?

If things get tense, how do you both come back to calm?

13. What’s something I might not realize you’ve been struggling with?

So much of life goes unspoken. This helps bring it gently into the light.

14. What’s a dream or goal you’d love to talk more about?

Support each other’s growth, not just survival.

15. What’s one small way we could make next week a little better—for us?

This brings the check-in full circle: from reflection to intention.

Make It Your Own

You don’t have to ask the same questions each week. Some couples make a little “jar of questions” and pull from it at random. Others keep a shared notes app with prompts they revisit. The format doesn’t matter as much as the presence.

And if words feel hard, start with feelings check-ins using emojis or rating scales like: “1 to 10, how connected do you feel to me this week?”

When Check-Ins Bring Up Big Stuff

If deeper struggles come up—like communication patterns, past hurts, or questions about the relationship itself—those are worth exploring in therapy. A couples therapist can help you navigate those layers safely.

But even outside therapy, these small weekly moments can be healing. Just showing up with care, week after week, builds trust.

The Takeaway

Great relationships aren’t built on grand gestures—they’re built in the in-between moments. A quick check-in, a gentle question, a willingness to listen. That’s where real intimacy grows.

So, try it this week. Set aside the time. Light a candle. Ask a few of these questions.

And most importantly, listen with your whole heart.

Need help creating more connection in your relationship? I offer virtual couples therapy and weekend intensives across Texas. Whether you’re feeling disconnected or want to grow closer, therapy can help you deepen your bond. Reach out here to schedule a free consultation.