Still Seeking Their Approval? Counseling for Adult Children of Narcissists
You’re not too sensitive. You were shaped to survive.
If you’re the child of a narcissistic parent, you might still find yourself replaying old dynamics well into adulthood. Maybe you're constantly trying to earn approval. Or you feel guilty for setting boundaries. Or you’re stuck wondering if it’s you—even though a part of you knows better.
You’re not alone. Many adult children of narcissistic parents grow up to be high-functioning, caring, insightful people… who still second-guess themselves in relationships, fear rejection, or feel an undercurrent of anxiety around their family.
Let’s talk about what it actually means to be one of the many children of narcissistic parents—and how counseling can help you untangle what you were taught, reclaim your voice, and live with more ease.
1. What Is a Narcissistic Parent (And How Do You Know If You Had One)?
A narcissistic parent doesn’t always look like the stereotypical egomaniac. Sometimes they’re charming in public, but cold and reactive at home. They may appear caring while emotionally manipulating you behind the scenes.
Many children of narcissistic parents describe their upbringing as unpredictable, emotionally unsafe, or confusing. You never quite knew which version of them you were going to get.
2. Why You Might Still Be Seeking Their Approval
If you’re an adult child of a narcissistic parent, it’s normal to find yourself craving their recognition—even if they’ve hurt you. That desire for validation runs deep. It started when you were little and you learned: love has to be earned.
Even now, it can feel hard to shake the feeling that if you just said it right, did more, stayed quiet, or made them proud… you’d finally feel accepted.
3. The Invisible Wounds of Children of Narcissistic Parents
Growing up in an environment where love was conditional leaves lasting emotional residue. You may have learned to be the helper, the peacekeeper, or the invisible one—whatever it took to stay safe.
As an adult, that can show up as:
Chronic people-pleasing
Fear of conflict or rejection
Overexplaining or apologizing for your needs
Feeling like you're always “too much” or “not enough”
These patterns are survival responses. Counseling helps you gently unravel them.
4. What Counseling Can Help You Untangle
For many adult children of narcissistic parents, therapy is the first time they’ve felt safe enough to say, “It wasn’t all okay.” You get to stop minimizing. Stop managing everyone else’s feelings. And start focusing on your own.
5. Reparenting Yourself—What That Actually Means
Reparenting isn’t about blaming forever. It’s about giving yourself what you never received as a child.
As a child of a narcissistic parent, you may not have had emotional safety, attunement, or unconditional love. Reparenting gives you the chance to finally feel:
Grounded
Validated
Worthy without performance
6. What Happens When You Set Boundaries
Boundaries often feel dangerous for children of narcissistic parents—because they weren’t allowed growing up. But therapy helps you rewire that fear. You learn that setting limits isn’t selfish—it’s what protects your peace.
7. Struggling with Low or No Contact?
Many adult children of narcissistic parents wrestle with this: “Do I keep trying? Do I go no contact? What will my family say?”
There’s no “right” answer. But counseling helps you figure out what’s best for you—without the guilt spiral.
8. Dating as an Adult Child of a Narcissistic Parent
Romantic relationships can feel like emotional landmines if you grew up with conditional love. In therapy, you can explore:
Why you’re drawn to unavailable or controlling partners
How to feel safe in closeness
What a healthy relationship actually looks like
9. Grieving the Parent You Never Had
This part is tender. But so important. As a child of a narcissistic parent, you may need to grieve the dream—that someday they’ll change, apologize, or become emotionally available.
Grief isn’t giving up. It’s releasing the illusion so you can move forward.
10. Afraid to Feel “Too Much”? That’s Common.
Many adult children of narcissistic parents were shamed for their feelings. So if therapy feels overwhelming at first, that’s okay.
We move at your pace. You’re not “too much” here. You’re just someone who’s finally being heard.
11. You Don’t Need Their Permission to Heal
Your healing doesn’t require your parent’s understanding or approval. You don’t need to justify your boundaries or wait for closure.
You get to grow, even if they never do.
12. You Are Not Alone
At Sagebrush Counseling, we support adult children of narcissistic parents in reclaiming their voice, healing their relationships, and finally feeling at home in their own story.
If you’ve been carrying this quietly for years, you don’t have to anymore.
You Deserve to Be Seen for You
Healing from narcissistic parenting isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about reconnecting with who you’ve always been—beneath the coping, the performing, the constant scanning for approval.
You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to be endlessly patient, agreeable, or small to keep the peace. You get to take up space, set boundaries, feel your feelings, and live for you.
At Sagebrush Counseling, we’re here to help you unlearn the guilt, rewrite your story, and finally feel safe in your own skin.
You don’t have to keep proving your worth. You already have it.
