Will a Narcissist Go to Therapy?
“Is There Any Chance They’ll Change?”
If you’ve ever loved someone with strong narcissistic traits, you’ve probably had this question echo through your head more times than you can count:
“Will they ever go to therapy?”
Or maybe more honestly:
“Can they change—or am I just wasting my time hoping?”
It’s such a deeply human question, especially when you’ve invested your energy, your heart, and your hope into someone who can be incredibly charming one minute… and then cruel, dismissive, or unavailable the next.
So let’s sit with this together and talk through it—like a real conversation. No fluff, no judgment. Just clarity and care.
So… Can a Narcissist Go to Therapy?
Yes. They can. But that doesn’t mean they will.
Someone with narcissistic traits might walk into therapy, but usually not because they’ve had a major “a-ha” moment. It’s more likely to happen because:
Their relationship is falling apart
They’re trying to save face or win someone back
They want to look like they’re working on things
A crisis (legal, professional, personal) is forcing their hand
The motivation often comes from outside—not from genuine self-reflection or a deep desire to grow. And that matters, because therapy only works when someone is willing to look at themselves honestly. And let’s be real—vulnerability and self-awareness aren’t exactly a narcissist’s favorite tools.
Why Narcissists Usually Don’t Stick With Therapy
Even if they start, many narcissistic folks don’t stay in therapy long-term. And here’s why:
Therapy feels threatening. Being truly seen? No thank you.
They fear being wrong. And therapy often pokes at that very fear.
They want control. A therapist who sets boundaries or calls them in? Not easy to tolerate.
They externalize blame. “It’s not me, it’s you (or them, or the world).”
They don’t see a problem. And if you do? That’s your issue to deal with.
It’s not that they’re incapable of reflection—it’s just that their defenses are built to protect against exactly the kind of emotional honesty therapy requires.
Couples Therapy? That Can Get Tricky Too
If you’ve been considering couples counseling with a narcissistic partner, let’s talk about what that can look like.
Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it turns into a performance.
In sessions, they might:
Turn on the charm with the therapist
Try to dominate the conversation or “win” therapy
Get upset if the therapist doesn’t agree with them
Use the space to twist things and make you look like the problem
And that can be so confusing when all you want is to feel seen and heard. If the therapy space becomes another place where they gaslight, minimize, or avoid accountability—it’s not actually helping you feel safer or more connected.
But Here’s the Heart of It: You Can’t Make Someone Change
You can love someone and still not be able to fix them.
You can ask, plead, hope—but growth has to come from them. Not from your effort.
And that’s what makes this so hard.
Because often, the person with narcissistic traits is the one who needs therapy most… and the one least likely to accept that need.
So if you’re in that place where you’re stuck between “I don’t want to give up on them” and “I don’t know how much more I can take,” I just want to say this:
You’re allowed to protect your peace.
Therapy Might Still Be Worth It—For You
Even if they never go. Even if they go and quit. Even if they go and nothing changes.
Your experience in this relationship still matters. The ways you’ve been hurt. The ways you’ve doubted yourself. The exhaustion of always wondering if you’re doing too much—or not enough.
You deserve a space to process that. To untangle it. To breathe again.
Individual therapy can help you:
Get clear on what’s happening (and what’s not your fault)
Rebuild your sense of self
Learn how to set boundaries without guilt
Figure out what comes next—on your terms
You don’t have to wait for someone else to get help in order to start your own healing.
Will a Narcissist Ever Truly Change?
Maybe. Some do. But it takes a lot of commitment, insight, and time.
And the truth is, most won’t change in the way you’re hoping—especially not quickly.
That doesn’t mean they’re evil or unworthy. But it does mean you can stop holding your breath, waiting for the version of them that might never show up.
Because your healing? That can start now. Whether they come along for the ride or not.
Why a Narcissist Usually Won’t Go to Therapy—Even When They Need It
Here’s the hard truth: most people with strong narcissistic traits don’t think they need therapy. And that’s often the biggest barrier.
Therapy requires a willingness to reflect, take responsibility, and sit with uncomfortable emotions—things that can feel deeply threatening to someone with narcissistic tendencies. Admitting fault or showing vulnerability goes against the very defenses they've built to survive emotionally. To them, therapy might feel like an attack, a loss of control, or a setup to be “blamed.”
In individual therapy, a narcissist may resist because:
They don’t believe anything is wrong with them—they believe you or the world is the problem.
They fear being exposed or criticized by a therapist.
They’re afraid of confronting deep feelings of shame or insecurity, even if they hide those feelings under confidence or charm.
They view asking for help as weakness, and weakness is intolerable to them.
In couples counseling, narcissistic individuals may:
Try to use therapy as a stage to prove they're right and their partner is wrong.
Seek validation from the therapist rather than true feedback.
Drop out quickly if the therapist holds them accountable or doesn’t “side” with them.
Feel embarrassed or threatened by the idea of someone else witnessing their relationship being challenged.
That said, there are exceptions. Some narcissistic individuals do engage in therapy—especially when they’re in a crisis, facing a breakup, or trying to maintain an image. And while motivation matters, sometimes those external reasons can be the start of a more honest internal shift over time.
Still, it's important to know: you can’t make someone do the work they don’t believe they need. But you can take care of yourself, get support, and stop waiting for change that may never come.
Why It’s So Hard to Get a Narcissist to See the Problem
One of the most painful dynamics in a relationship with a narcissistic partner is feeling like you're the only one who sees the cracks. You try to talk about what's not working, and instead of curiosity or accountability, you get defensiveness, blame, or even silence.
Why is that?
Narcissistic traits often form as a way to protect against deep shame and vulnerability. Admitting fault feels like a threat to their entire identity. So when something goes wrong, their instinct is to deflect or project—not because they don't care at all, but because taking responsibility feels unbearable.
They may lash out, shut down, or turn the conversation around on you. And this makes real change hard, because growth only happens when someone is willing to be honest with themselves.
What Therapy Looks Like for Someone With Narcissistic Traits
If a narcissistic partner does start therapy, it's not a magic fix, but it can be a start. The work is often slow and layered, and it begins with learning how to tolerate difficult emotions without shutting down or blaming others.
Good therapy helps build emotional awareness, empathy, and accountability. But it takes consistency and a willingness to get uncomfortable—two things narcissistic individuals often struggle with.
A therapist trained in personality disorders or attachment-based therapy can make a big difference. With the right support, some people with narcissistic traits can start to shift how they show up in relationships. It just takes more time, patience, and boundaries than most people expect.
“They Said They’d Go—But Then Quit”
This is so common, and it hurts. You might finally feel a glimmer of hope when they agree to go to therapy—only to watch them quit after one or two sessions.
They might say, "It wasn't helpful," or "The therapist was biased," or "I don't need therapy anymore."
But often, the real reason is that therapy got uncomfortable. It challenged their worldview. It made them feel exposed. And for someone with fragile self-esteem, that can be enough to bolt.
This doesn’t mean change is impossible—but it does mean that you are not responsible for dragging them to healing they aren’t ready for.
Can a Narcissist Ever Become Self-Aware?
Short answer? Sometimes.
There’s a big difference between someone with narcissistic traits and someone with full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The former can often develop insight with time and support. The latter may struggle more deeply with self-awareness and emotional accountability.
But even with NPD, some individuals can develop enough insight to notice how their behaviors impact others—especially if their defenses soften over time, or they reach a turning point that motivates reflection.
Self-awareness is possible. But it has to come from within them. And it usually unfolds slowly, with a lot of gentle but firm guidance.
Why You’re Not “Bad” for Wanting Them to Try
Let’s be clear: You’re not foolish, naive, or weak for hoping someone you love might change. That hope usually comes from a deeply compassionate place.
You’ve probably seen moments of tenderness. Maybe you’ve had glimpses of who they could be underneath all the armor. Of course you want to believe there's more to the story.
Wanting someone to grow doesn’t make you broken. But staying in a cycle that constantly hurts you? That deserves attention too.
You can hold both: hope and boundaries. Love and self-respect.
Red Flags That Therapy Is Being Used to Manipulate
Therapy should be a place for growth, not a tool for control. But in some cases, a narcissistic partner may use therapy to:
Make themselves look like the "good guy"
Gather information to use against you later
Convince others (or you) that they're "doing the work"
Shift blame to you in front of the therapist
If you feel like therapy is being weaponized, it’s okay to speak up or even take a break from joint sessions. You might benefit more from individual support where you can process everything safely and clearly.
What If They Do Change—Can the Relationship Heal?
Maybe. Some couples do make it through this kind of rupture, especially if the person with narcissistic traits becomes willing to own their behavior and genuinely work on it.
But healing takes more than words or promises. It requires:
Consistent accountability
Willingness to change patterns, not just apologize for them
Emotional repair, not just damage control
Patience on both sides
You can absolutely rebuild trust after harm—but only if the change is real, sustainable, and mutual.
When the Hope for Change Starts to Hurt You
Hope can be beautiful. It can also become a trap.
If you're constantly waiting for a breakthrough that never comes—if you keep shrinking yourself to keep the peace—it might be time to shift your focus.
Ask yourself:
What does my healing look like?
What do I want life to feel like?
Am I holding onto their potential while abandoning my own?
These are not easy questions. But they can point you toward freedom.
How to Start Healing—Even If They Never Will
The good news? You don’t have to wait for someone else to get better before you begin your own healing.
Therapy can help you:
Reconnect with your own voice
Process the gaslighting, confusion, or grief
Learn how to set boundaries without guilt
Rebuild the parts of you that got lost along the way
You might also find support in journaling, nervous system work, trauma recovery, support groups, or simply surrounding yourself with people who get it.
Counseling for Narcissistic Types of Relationships
At Sagebrush Counseling, we support individuals who are navigating painful, confusing relationships—whether you're trying to stay, leave, or just survive the in-between.
If you’ve been loving someone who drains you, hurts you, or keeps promising change without delivering it… we’re here. For the part of you that still has hope, and the part of you that’s already started to let go.
📩 Reach out today to get the support you deserve. We’re in your corner—no matter what comes next.
