The Double Empathy Problem, Explained
The old story said autistic people lack empathy. A newer, better-supported idea says the misunderstanding runs both ways, and that changes almost everything.
Illustration: Sagebrush Counseling
Key points
- The double empathy problem proposes that autistic and non-autistic people struggle to understand each other because their communication styles differ, not because autistic people lack empathy.
- The idea was introduced by autistic researcher Damian Milton in 2012 and has since drawn supporting evidence.
- In one study, information passed nearly as well among all-autistic groups as among all-non-autistic groups, and degraded faster only in mixed groups.
- The takeaway is mutual: the gap is shared, so the responsibility to bridge it is shared too.
For decades, the dominant explanation for autistic social difficulty was blunt: autistic people were said to lack the machinery for empathy and social understanding, full stop. It put the entire problem, and the entire deficit, on one side. The double empathy problem offers a different account, and a growing body of research supports it. The mismatch is mutual. Autistic and non-autistic people each find the other hard to read, because they are working from genuinely different social styles. Neither is broken. They are, in a real sense, speaking different dialects.
Where the idea comes from
The concept was named by Damian Milton (2012), an autistic academic, who argued that what looks like a one-sided autistic deficit is better understood as a "disjuncture in reciprocity" between two differently wired people. Crucially, non-autistic people are also poor at reading autistic people, a difficulty that had simply gone unstudied because the research had only ever pointed its lens one way. The framing moved the problem out of the individual autistic person and into the space between two people who process the social world differently.
What the research shows
The idea is not just appealing; it has been tested. In a study published in Autism, Crompton and colleagues (2020) used a "diffusion chain," passing a story person to person down a line, to measure how well information held up among all-autistic chains, all-non-autistic chains, and mixed chains. Information degraded significantly faster only in the mixed chains; the all-autistic chains transferred it about as well as the all-non-autistic chains. Participants also reported better rapport within same-neurotype pairs. In other words, autistic people communicate effectively with each other; the breakdown is specific to autistic and non-autistic people interacting, exactly what the double empathy problem predicts.
The failure was never in one person. It was in the translation between two.
What it means, and what it does not
| What the double empathy problem says | What it does not say |
|---|---|
| Autistic and non-autistic people find each other hard to read | That autistic people have no social difficulties at all |
| Autistic people often connect easily with other autistic people | That autistic people should only befriend other autistic people |
| The misunderstanding is mutual and the effort should be too | That non-autistic people are the ones "at fault" instead |
| Autistic empathy exists; it is expressed and read differently | That empathy is identical across everyone and never varies |
Why this matters in real life
This is not only an academic correction; it changes how you might carry yourself day to day. It reframes a lifetime of "you are the one who is difficult" as a two-way mismatch you were only ever being asked to fix alone. It validates why time with other autistic or neurodivergent people can feel so much easier, less translation required. It reshapes relationships, since a non-autistic partner, parent, or colleague shares responsibility for meeting in the middle rather than expecting you to do all the adapting. And it is a quietly powerful thing to hand to the people in your life, which is why it pairs so naturally with explaining your neurotype to others: the gap between you is normal, shared, and bridgeable from both sides.
Words you can borrow
Want relationships where the effort goes both ways?
Sagebrush Counseling offers affirming therapy for autistic and ADHD adults and couples, including the non-autistic partners of neurodivergent people, online across Texas, Maine, New Hampshire, and Montana.
Book a Free 15 Min ConsultFrequently asked questions
What is the double empathy problem in simple terms?
It is the idea that autistic and non-autistic people struggle to understand each other because their communication and social styles differ, not because autistic people lack empathy. The misunderstanding runs in both directions. It reframes social difficulty as a mismatch between two people rather than a deficit in one.
Who came up with the double empathy problem?
It was introduced by Damian Milton, an autistic academic, in a 2012 paper. He argued that what had been described as a one-sided autistic deficit is better understood as a breakdown in mutual understanding between differently wired people, and that non-autistic people also struggle to read autistic people.
Does the double empathy problem mean autistic people have no social difficulties?
No. It does not claim autistic people face no challenges. It relocates the difficulty into the space between autistic and non-autistic people, rather than placing all of it inside the autistic person, and it notes that autistic people often communicate comfortably with each other.
Is there research supporting it?
Yes. A 2020 study found that information passed down chains of people degraded significantly faster only in mixed autistic and non-autistic chains, while all-autistic chains transferred it about as well as all-non-autistic chains, with better rapport reported within same-neurotype pairs. That pattern matches what the theory predicts.
How does this help me day to day?
It reframes a history of being told you are the difficult one as a two-way mismatch, explains why time with other neurodivergent people can feel easier, and shifts relationships toward shared effort rather than expecting you to do all the adapting. It is also a useful thing to explain to partners, family, and colleagues.
References
- Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The "double empathy problem." Disability & Society, 27(6), 883–887. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008
- Crompton, C. J., Ropar, D., Evans-Williams, C. V. M., Flynn, E. G., & Fletcher-Watson, S. (2020). Autistic peer-to-peer information transfer is highly effective. Autism, 24(7), 1704–1712. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361320919286
About the Author
Sagebrush Counseling provides neurodivergent-affirming virtual therapy for adults and couples, including dedicated support for the non-autistic partners of neurodivergent people. Serving Texas, Maine, New Hampshire, and Montana.
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