The Impact of Parental Rejection
What is Parental Rejection?
A parent's attachment style to their children can significantly impact a child and their attachment style into adulthood. The bond between a caregiver, parents, and child is impactful and critical for a child's upbringing and sense of peace and security. Without a nurturing bond between a child and parent, it can lead to devastating effects, which we'll explain here in this article.
The Impacts of Parental Rejection
A traumatic childhood is typically passed on from one family to the next if it goes unresolved; that means if bad parents raised your parents, you're most likely going to as well until the cycle is finally broken with change.
Parental rejection from overt abuse, physical abuse, or emotional abuse to subtle forms of abuse such as child favoritism, passive-aggressive behaviors, or emotional neglect. Parental rejection is not always direct and intentional; it can be from parents who have raised themselves poorly or parents with unresolved mental health issues. The impact can still be felt the same, whether deliberate or unintentional.
The Many Types of Parental Rejection
Rejection from parents can take on many forms, and research shows that parental neglect and rejection activate portions of the brain that physical pain does. There are ways to reduce and transform the pain with the help of therapy and healing the rejection wounds from childhood. Here are a few types of rejection.
Emotional Absence: If you aren't supported by your parent(s) and they are absent emotionally in your life.
Neglect: If your parent fails to meet your emotional needs, this can be a sign of emotional childhood parental neglect.
Criticism: If your parent focused on your flaws more than encouraging and supporting you through life.
Comparison: Constantly comparing yourself to your siblings, family members, or peers.
Abandonment: No contact and your parents abandoning you in childhood or adulthood.
The Ripple Effects of Parental Rejection
Emotional and Psychological Consequences
Studies and research has shown that childhood rejection and abandoment sends off similar neural pathways known as the anterior cingulate cortex. The role of the of the anterior cortex is emotional regulation and pain perception. When someone is rejected and feels this rejection, it can have impactful consequences on this part of your brain.
Impact on Future Relationships
To heal childhood wounds also means to heal yourself and having better relationships. Relationships suffer when someone hasn’t healed childhood wounds. Therapy is a wonderful way to overcome the impacts of childhood rejection and moving toward healthier relationships.
What Happens When You’re Invalidated in Childhood?
There are many mental health disorders that can manifest from childhood abuse; depression, BPD, narcissistic personality disorder, anxiety, PTSD among many others. Without effective therapy, these types of mental health conditions can cause future unhealthy relationships. When your relationships are constantly in conflict because you never experienced love growing up from your parents. Struggling with the anger, sadness and grief around this can come up in adulthood.
Signs You’re Suffering from Parental Rejection Wounds in Adulthood
There are many signs that you may be suffering from parental rejection wounds as an adult. Here are a few common signs:
Attachment issues: If you suffered from parental neglect, one of the first signs to detect are attachment issues in relationships. By identifying your attachment style and how it manifests in your relationships.
Fear of Abandonment: Do you fear that your partner will leave you? What about that if you get into a relationship the other person will cheat or leave you? If you have anxious or disorganized attachment styles this can also create fears of abandonment.
Incapable of Giving or Receiving Love: If you never received love in a secure attachment environment, giving and receiving love can be difficult.
Low Self-Compassion: If you have low self-compassion and are hard on yourself and your biggest inner critic.
People-Pleaser: Individuals who came from families where they didn’t feel good enough can develop people-pleasing tendencies as a coping mechanism in adulthood. By people-pleasing they want people to like them because they didn’t feel that in childhood and the struggle to please their parents and never being “good” enough in the eyes of the parents.
Independence: A healthy independence is good but when it becomes your entire identity and you feel like you don’t need anyone is when it can become unhealthy. If you find yourself avoiding friendships and relationships, it may be more on the unhealthy side.
Negative Self-Talk: Do you find yourself speaking negatively to yourself more than positive? Your inner critic could be from how you were raised and never feeling wanted.
Lack of Trust: Trusting can be hard when you’ve dealt with parents you couldn’t trust.
Healing from Parental Rejection
There are many ways to heal from being rejected by your parents. If you had emotionally unavailable parents, that pain doesn’t just go away. The first step to finding healing within is acceptance and understanding.
Self-Awareness and Acknowledgement
By acknowledging that you came from a family with parents who neglected or rejected you, finding self-awareness and understanding the impact. Additionally, by digging deep in self-awareness and revisiting past traumatic experiences, beginning to acknowledge not only the pain but forgiveness to help you heal. One of the most important ways to shift your thinking is moving away from playing a victim to being empowered and no longer being defined by what happened to you in your past. It is a long road to recovery as childhood wounds are some of the hardest to overcome but with the right support system and going to therapy it is possible.
Therapy for Parental Rejection
Finding therapy and getting the help you need can help you overcome parental rejection. In therapy, you will be one step closer to living the life you deserve.
Rebuilding or Re-defining Relationships
In reconnecting with your inner self and rebuilding relationships takes time and effort. A part of the process is going though the grieving process of your past self and anything that no longer serves you. By doing what is best for you in your life and redefining what healthy boundaries mean in your life.
Inner Child Work
In therapy, a type of therapy that can be used is inner-child work. At Sagebrush Counseling, we use inner child and inner parent work in conjunction with other types of therapy modalities when working with childhood trauma and parental neglect. Inner child work can be beneficial as we will go back to your inner child self and work on reparenting skills. By finding activities that bring joy and peace into your life and being the parent you’ve always wanted and deserve.
Allowing Yourself to Feel the Feelings
When faced with negative feelings, they can become trapped in your mind. Having creative outlets can be helpful when getting in touch with these feelings. You may want to paint, journal, sing, walk, do yoga, run, or any hobby that you find joy in to allow yourself expression.
Creating New Connections and Community
Getting yourself into the community and creating new connections. When faced with parental rejection, you may or may not speak to your parents in adulthood. If this is the case, community is especially important to create connections that give you peace and support.
Stop Blaming Yourself for Your Parent’s Rejection
In therapy you will learn how blame and shame can interfere with healing. By realizations that your emotions aren’t always accurate and that feelings are fleeting. When coming from a damaged childhood, damaged feelings are created and work in a maladaptive pattern vs adaptive pattern. You deserve self-compassion and by reparenting yourself starting with not continuing to blame yourself for your parent’s mistreatment. By recreative negative thought patterns into positive ones is a step in the right direction.
Setting Boundaries
By setting healthy boundaries and learning to speak your truth is part of the healing process. When growing up and having parents that neglected and rejected, setting boundaries weren’t a primary understanding. As an adult, setting boundaries is part of the new you.
Understanding Manipulation
Breaking the patterns of manipulation and understanding what manipulation looks like. The definition of manipulation is controlling someone to your own advantage. Once you recognize that you are or were manipulated, you can start to break away from this destructive behavior. For instance, if you have a parent that continues to guilt-trip you, by letting them know you won’t tolerate that or will distance yourself from them is setting a hard boundary.
Starting with Baby Steps
Starting with small steps and celebrating the small and big wins as they come along. Treating yourself how you want to be treated and learning to love yourself unconditionally. Often, people turn to substances, alcohol and unhealthy coping mechanisms instead of healthy coping skills. You may also decide to go no contact or distance yourself from those who caused you harm.
Preventing Parental Rejection
Promoting Positive Parenting
By promoting positive parenting through education and reading. There are many books on parenting styles and ways to be a better parent. If you were a victim of childhood neglect, ensuring that you get proper support through therapy and healing to ensure that the same patterns aren’t repeated in your life, as mentioned earlier, the ripple effect can seep into not only parenthood but also relationships such as friendships, marriage and work relationships.
Support Groups and Finding Help
Finding support through groups to help with parenting and also being an advocate for mental health. There are many support groups on healthy parenting and also support groups if you’re struggling with mental health issues due to parental neglect or a traumatic childhood experience.
Therapy for Parental Rejection and Childhood Trauma Wounds at Sagebrush Counseling
Are you ready for change and a better life that is more fulfilling? We are here to help with those childhood trauma wounds that don’t seem to be healing. Schedule a free 15 minute consultation if you’re in Texas or your first counseling session. We are here to help you!
