Have I Fallen Out of Love or Am I Depressed?
Feeling unsure about your relationship can be confusing. You might wonder about these types of thoughts:
Am I falling out of love, or is something else going on?
Why do I feel so disconnected from my partner?
Is this a sign my relationship isn’t right, or is it my mental health?
It’s not always easy to tell the difference between relationship problems and depression. When you’re dealing with depression, even a loving, stable relationship can feel “off.” But before making any decisions like breaking up, it’s important to understand how depression can distort/change your emotions and what to do if you’re feeling unsure.
How to Tell the Difference Between Relationship Doubt and Depression
The biggest difference between relationship doubt and depression is that relationship doubt is focused on your partner, while depression affects all areas of your life.
If you’re feeling emotionally disconnected, numb, or unhappy, the first step is to check whether these feelings extend beyond your relationship. Here’s how to assess:
If you feel distant from everything, not just your partner, depression may be the cause.
If your unhappiness is focused only on your relationship, there may be relationship issues to address.
If your emotions are inconsistent—one day you feel fine, the next you feel unsure—it could be depression distorting your perception.
Questions to Ask Yourself
To gain clarity, ask yourself:
Do I feel this way in other parts of my life?
Have I lost interest in other areas of my life, such as hobbies, friendships, or work?
Do I struggle with motivation or feelings of self-worth?
Does everything in life feel overwhelming or exhausting?
If these feelings extend beyond your relationship, depression may be a bigger issue.
Signs You’re Falling Out of Love vs. Signs of Depression
Both falling out of love and depression can create feelings of emotional disconnection, but they have different causes.
You might be falling out of love if:
You feel irritated or resentful toward your partner most of the time.
You no longer feel emotionally connected or excited about spending time together.
You fantasize about being single and feel relieved about breaking up.
You’re attracted to a different relationship, not just the idea of feeling better.
You actively avoid deep conversations or intimacy with your partner.
You might be struggling with depression if:
You feel emotionally numb—not just in your relationship but in all aspects of life.
Activities you used to enjoy (hobbies, socializing, even your favorite food) feel dull or exhausting.
You’re physically and mentally drained, struggling with low energy and motivation.
You feel a general sense of hopelessness about everything, not just your relationship.
Your doubts about your relationship come in waves; some days, you feel fine, others, you feel disconnected.
If you notice that your emotional disconnection extends beyond your relationship, depression could be playing a role in how you feel.
Why Depression Can Make Even a Good Relationship Feel Off
Depression isn’t just about feeling sad, according to common belief; it can completely change how you experience emotions, relationships, and life itself. Even a healthy, loving partnership can feel distant when depression is present. Here’s why:
Depression distorts perception.
It makes everything feel heavy.
It can lead to negative thinking patterns, like “Maybe I don’t love them anymore” or “Maybe something is missing.”
It numbs emotions.
Instead of feeling sad, you might feel nothing at all.
Emotional numbness makes it hard to experience joy, excitement, or connection—even with your partner.
It creates self-doubt.
Depression makes you second-guess your thoughts and feelings.
You might convince yourself that your relationship is the problem, even if it was strong before.
It drains energy and motivation.
Even simple things, like planning a date or having a deep conversation—can feel overwhelming.
You might pull away from your partner, not because you don’t love them, but because depression makes connection feel exhausting.
Relationship Struggles That Get Confused with Depression
While depression can make relationships feel distant, there are also relationship issues that look like depression but might be signs your relationship needs work. Here are a few:
Routine burnout: If your relationship feels stale, it might need refreshments, more quality time, new experiences, or deeper conversations.
Unmet emotional needs: If you feel disconnected from your partner, consider whether you’ve communicated your needs.
External stress: Work, finances, and personal struggles can make it seem like your relationship is the issue when, in reality, other life stressors are affecting your emotions.
Lack of personal fulfillment: If you feel lost in your identity.
How to Figure Out If Your Relationship Needs Work or If You Need Support
Not sure what’s going on?
• If everything in life feels overwhelming or joyless, it’s more likely depression.
• If your unhappiness is specific to your relationship, it may be time to evaluate your connection.
• If your partner’s actions no longer align with your values or emotional needs, relationship work might be needed.
• If you’ve been feeling off but can’t pinpoint why, therapy can help you sort through your emotions.
Steps to Take If You’re Unsure About Your Feelings
1. Pause Before Making Big Decisions
If depression is affecting your emotions, it’s best to wait before making relationship choices like breaking up or divorce. Give yourself time to understand what’s going on; take a moment.
2. Talk to Someone
A therapist, close friend or family, or journaling can help you process your feelings and see patterns.
3. Prioritize Your Mental Health
If depression is present, focusing on self-care, therapy, or even small daily routines (like getting outside, yoga, movement, or mindfulness) can help.
4. Reintroduce Joy
Engage in activities that once made you happy and see if your emotions shift.
5. Communicate with Your Partner
Let them know what you’re experiencing.
Still, Questioning It?
If you’re questioning your relationship, you don’t have to figure it all out overnight. Whether depression, relationship problems, or both are at play, taking small steps, like checking in with yourself, can be a step. Therapy is another way to talk it over, you might be feeling depressed and therapy can help with that or deciding to go to couples counseling because you want to work on your relationship. Reach out today to learn more about our counseling services.
