How to Handle Friendships Changing Due to Infertility
The Impact of Infertility on Friendships
Infertility doesn’t just affect your body, emotions, and relationship with your partner—it can also change your friendships in ways you never expected.
As you navigate fertility treatments, losses, and uncertainty, you may find that some friendships deepen and strengthen, while others become strained, distant, or even painful to maintain. You may:
Feel disconnected from friends who are having children effortlessly.
Struggle with pregnancy announcements and conversations centered around parenting.
Experience insensitive comments or a lack of understanding from people who mean well but don’t get it.
Notice that certain friends withdraw or don’t know how to support you.
These shifts in friendship can bring grief, frustration, and loneliness, but they can also lead to a greater understanding of who truly supports you. Knowing how to navigate these changes can help you protect your mental health while maintaining the friendships that matter most.
Why Friendships Change During Infertility
1. Life Stages Begin to Feel Different
If your close friends are getting pregnant and having babies while you’re struggling to conceive, it’s natural to feel out of sync with them. Suddenly, conversations that once felt effortless may now feel difficult, one-sided, or even painful.
They may talk about pregnancy, baby showers, and parenting struggles, while you’re dealing with doctor’s appointments and fertility treatments.
You might feel left out of social gatherings because they revolve around children.
Your friends may not realize that their joy can be a painful reminder of what you don’t have yet.
This shift can create emotional distance, even if no one intends for it to happen.
2. Not Everyone Understands Infertility
Some friends will offer unwavering support, while others may unintentionally say things that feel hurtful or dismissive. Comments like:
“Just relax, and it will happen!”
“Have you tried [unsolicited advice]?”
“Maybe you’re meant to be an aunt instead.”
“At least you can sleep in and travel!”
These statements can feel frustrating, minimizing, or completely out of touch with the emotional weight of infertility. Friends who haven’t experienced infertility may not understand what to say or how to support you—sometimes leading to misunderstandings or distance.
3. Your Emotional Capacity Changes
Infertility takes a mental and emotional toll, and it’s normal to have less energy for friendships that:
Feel emotionally draining.
Center around pregnancy and parenting in ways that feel overwhelming.
Lack mutual support or understanding.
If a friendship consistently leaves you feeling worse rather than better, it may be time to set boundaries or step back for your own well-being.
How to Navigate Changing Friendships
1. Accept That Not All Friendships Will Stay the Same
It’s hard to feel friendships shift, but it doesn’t mean the relationship was never meaningful. Some friendships may naturally fade due to life circumstances, while others may return to a stronger place later.
Instead of focusing on what’s lost, try to identify the friendships that bring you comfort, support, and emotional safety—even if that means your circle becomes smaller for a time.
2. Be Honest About Your Needs
If a friend is important to you but doesn’t seem to understand your experience, having a direct but compassionate conversation can help.
Try saying:
✔ “I really value our friendship, and I want to be honest with you. Infertility has been really difficult for me, and some topics—like pregnancy talk—are hard right now. I still want to stay connected, but I may need to step back from certain conversations.”
✔ “I know you care about me, and I appreciate your support. I just need to set some boundaries around infertility-related topics to protect my mental health. I hope you understand.”
True friends will appreciate your honesty and do their best to respect your needs.
3. Set Boundaries with Pregnancy Announcements and Baby Talk
If pregnancy announcements feel overwhelming, it’s okay to protect yourself. You might:
Ask to receive pregnancy news via text rather than in person, so you have time to process.
Politely excuse yourself from baby showers or gatherings that feel emotionally draining.
Change the subject or step away if conversations about pregnancy become too much.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you aren’t happy for your friend—it simply means you’re prioritizing your emotional well-being.
4. Find New Sources of Support
If some friendships feel distant or strained, consider seeking support from those who truly understand infertility:
Infertility support groups (online or in-person).
Friends who have gone through similar struggles.
Therapy or counseling to process emotions and relationship changes.
Surrounding yourself with people who “get it” can help ease the loneliness and emotional weight of infertility.
5. Let Go of Friendships That No Longer Feel Healthy
Some friendships naturally fade or change over time, and that’s okay. If a friend consistently:
Dismisses your feelings.
Ignores your boundaries.
Makes you feel guilty for struggling with infertility.
It may be time to step back or let go of the relationship. Ending or pausing a friendship doesn’t have to be dramatic—it can be as simple as creating more space and energy for the relationships that support your well-being.
What If You Want to Reconnect Later?
If you’ve distanced yourself from certain friends during infertility and later want to reconnect, you can always reach out when you feel ready.
✔ “I know I pulled away for a while—it wasn’t personal. Infertility was just really hard for me to process. I’d love to catch up when you’re free.”
Most friends will understand and welcome you back with open arms.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Relationships That Support You
Friendships naturally evolve, and infertility can reshape who is there for you during life’s most difficult moments. While some friendships may fade, others will deepen—and new, supportive relationships can emerge.
You deserve friends who respect your boundaries, acknowledge your emotions, and support you in ways that feel genuine. And if some friendships change? That’s part of life—and part of making space for the connections that truly uplift and support you.
Find Support Through Sagebrush Counseling
If infertility has made you feel isolated or caused tension in your relationships, Sagebrush Counseling is here to help. We specialize in infertility counseling, helping individuals and couples process emotions, navigate changing friendships, and build strong support systems.
Reach out today to schedule a session and find the guidance and support you deserve.
