Steps to Becoming Less Narcissistic & More Emotionally Aware
How to Shift From Self-Focused to Soulful
If you're reading this, take a deep breath—and give yourself some credit. The fact that you're even curious about becoming more emotionally aware and less narcissistic means you’re already on a path of growth.
Whether you've been called selfish, emotionally unavailable, or just suspect you struggle with empathy and connection—this post isn’t about shaming you. It's about understanding what’s underneath those patterns and learning how to show up differently—for yourself and the people you care about.
Let’s talk about how narcissistic traits can show up, how emotional awareness helps us relate better, and the real steps to making meaningful change.
1. Understanding What Narcissistic Traits Actually Are
First things first—narcissism exists on a spectrum. While clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is rare, narcissistic traits are more common than you’d think. These can include:
A need to always be right
Struggling to apologize
Dismissing or ignoring others' feelings
Needing constant admiration or validation
Reacting defensively to criticism
Having trouble seeing perspectives other than your own
These behaviors often come from deep insecurity, not true confidence. They're protective—walls built around emotional pain or unmet needs. And the good news? They're not fixed.
You can unlearn these patterns. You can build emotional depth. You can become someone who connects rather than controls.
2. Get Honest With Yourself (Even If It’s Uncomfortable)
This step is crucial—and hard.
Becoming more emotionally aware means being willing to say:
“I’ve hurt people. I’ve made mistakes. I want to do better.”
You don’t need to label yourself a narcissist. But if you recognize yourself in the traits above, it’s worth asking:
When do I tend to dismiss others' emotions?
Do I get angry when I’m not the center of attention?
Do I find it hard to truly empathize with others—or stay in my own head instead?
Self-reflection without blame or shame is the goal here. Not beating yourself up—but getting real.
3. Practice Slowing Down Before You React
One of the most common challenges with narcissistic traits is reactivity. You feel criticized, and boom—defensiveness, blame-shifting, or shutting down.
To shift this pattern, try:
Noticing your triggers: What kinds of comments or situations spark a strong reaction?
Naming your emotions: “I feel attacked,” “I feel small,” “I feel embarrassed.”
Pausing before responding: Take a breath. Count to five. Step away for a moment.
You can’t become more emotionally aware if you’re constantly reacting without reflection. Slowing down is where change begins.
4. Learn to Validate Feelings (Even If You Don’t Agree)
A major step toward emotional maturity is this:
You can validate someone’s feelings without agreeing with them.
For example:
Instead of “You’re overreacting,” try: “I can see you’re really upset right now.”
Instead of “I didn’t mean it that way,” try: “I get that it hurt you, even if I didn’t mean to.”
You don’t have to abandon your perspective. But validating someone else's experience makes space for real connection.
It tells them: I see you. You matter. Your pain is real.
And that matters more than being right.
5. Let Go of the Need to Win
If you often feel like relationships are battles to be won—arguments, attention, control—it’s time to shift the narrative.
Healthy relationships aren’t about victory. They’re about vulnerability. Collaboration. Repair.
This means:
Apologizing even when it’s hard
Admitting when you’re wrong
Asking how you can make things right, instead of defending your ego
You can either protect your image or build intimacy. Not both.
6. Get Curious About Other People’s Inner Worlds
People with narcissistic traits often struggle with empathy—but that doesn’t mean you’re incapable of it. Like a muscle, empathy grows stronger with intentional use.
Try asking yourself in conversation:
What might this person be feeling right now?
What might they need from me in this moment?
If I were in their shoes, how would I want to be treated?
Genuine curiosity softens self-centeredness. And the more you practice it, the more naturally it comes.
7. Build a Relationship With Your Own Emotions
Here’s something that surprises a lot of people:
Many narcissistic behaviors are rooted in disconnection from your own emotions.
If you weren’t taught how to feel or express vulnerability growing up, you might have learned to suppress sadness, shame, or fear—and overcompensate with charm, control, or detachment.
Becoming emotionally aware starts with learning to feel your feelings.
What sensations show up in your body when you’re upset?
Can you name what you’re feeling without trying to fix it?
Can you sit with discomfort instead of pushing it away?
Journaling, mindfulness, or working with a therapist can help you reconnect with your emotional landscape—one small step at a time.
8. Get Comfortable With Feedback (Even If It Stings)
One of the hardest but most transformative things you can do is start seeing feedback as growth fuel, not a personal attack.
When someone tells you, “That hurt me,” or “I didn’t feel seen,” your first instinct might be defensiveness. But pause. Breathe. And ask:
Is there even 10% truth in what they’re saying?
What can I learn from this?
How can I respond instead of react?
The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress. And feedback—while hard—is part of the process.
9. Focus on Repair, Not Just Image
When you’re used to managing how others see you, you might focus more on looking good than being good.
But real emotional growth is messy. It includes:
Admitting when you hurt someone
Following through on changed behavior
Saying “I’m sorry” without excuses
Asking, “What would help you feel safer with me?”
Your goal isn’t to look perfect. It’s to become trustworthy.
Rebuilding trust takes time—but it starts with showing up in small, consistent ways.
10. Work With a Therapist Who Specializes in Narcissistic Patterns
This kind of growth doesn’t happen overnight—and it’s okay to need help along the way.
Therapists trained in narcissistic traits and emotional development can help you:
Understand where your patterns come from
Learn how to build deeper emotional insight
Strengthen empathy and communication
Heal from childhood wounds that shaped your coping mechanisms
And most importantly? They’ll walk with you through the messy middle—not just the breakthrough moments.
Therapy isn’t just about healing your relationships. It’s about healing you—so you can feel more grounded, more whole, and more human.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken—You’re Becoming
The fact that you’re even reading this post shows courage. You’re willing to look inward, ask questions, and consider that there’s more to life than control or admiration.
You’re not doomed by your past. And you’re not defined by your worst moments.
Emotional growth is a lifelong journey—but every time you pause to reflect, apologize, soften, or stay present when it’s hard… you’re already doing the work.
You don’t have to become someone else.
You just have to become more you—with empathy, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow.
Want support on this journey?
At Sagebrush Counseling, I work with individuals navigating narcissistic patterns, emotional disconnection, and the desire to grow into more connected, grounded versions of themselves. You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out here to start the process.
