100 Parts Work Questions for Couples: Deepening Emotional Connection Through IFS-Informed Exploration

In every relationship, there’s more going on than meets the eye. We bring our love, our habits—and our inner world of protectors, caregivers, critics, and dreamers. Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps us name and connect with these "parts," not to pathologize them, but to understand how they shape our relationships.

This collection of 100 creative journal and conversation prompts is for couples who want to explore their emotional patterns, triggers, and longings with curiosity and care. Each prompt is designed to support deeper listening—to yourself and each other.

Use them as weekly check-ins, evening reflections, or a companion to couples therapy. You don’t have to answer them all. Just begin where it feels meaningful.

1. Discovering Your Own Parts in Love

1. What’s one part of me that feels most present in our relationship?

2. If that part had a name or image, what would it be?

3. What does this part need when we’re having a hard day?

4. What is this part afraid might happen in our connection?

5. What does this part love most about being close to you?

2. Understanding Your Partner’s Inner World

1. What are the most common roles I see your parts playing?

2. What part of me gets activated by your frustration—or your silence?

3. What does my system assume when your mood shifts?

4. What might be going on underneath your shutdown or retreat?

5. What helps me stay curious about your internal world instead of assuming?

3. When Conflict Arises

1. What protective part shows up when I feel blamed?

2. What role does that part try to take on—defender, critic, retreater?

3. What part of me still believes fighting means disconnection?

4. What does repair look like to my system?

5. What helps my nervous system feel safe enough to soften?

4. Intimacy, Tenderness, and Emotional Safety

1. What part of me wants more physical closeness—but feels unsure?

2. What messages did I receive about intimacy growing up?

3. What part of me lights up when we share affection?

4. What helps my shy or hesitant parts feel safe with you?

5. What do our bodies know about trust that words sometimes miss?

5. Healing After Hurt or Disconnection

1. What part of me still feels guarded after a past rupture?

2. If that part could speak, what would it say?

3. What would it take for that part to begin trusting again?

4. How can I let you into that healing space without pressure?

5. What does forgiveness look like—not just between us, but inside me?

6. Triggers and Nervous System Awareness

1. When I feel reactive, what do I notice in my body?

2. What part of me tries to "shut it down" instead of speak up?

3. What do I most need in the moments when I’m overwhelmed?

4. What happens in me when you raise your voice or go silent?

5. What small ritual helps me feel safe again after tension?

7. Supporting Each Other’s Parts

1. What part of you feels most misunderstood—and how can I support it?

2. What does your anxious part need from me that I often miss?

3. What helps your playful part come out?

4. What can I do to signal emotional safety to your more sensitive parts?

5. What’s something I could stop doing that would help your system relax?

8. Shared Dreams, Values, and Growth

1. What part of me is excited about our future?

2. What part of me fears change or new commitments?

3. What shared value helps our systems align?

4. What part of me wants to co-create something with you?

5. How can we support each other’s growth even when we grow differently?

9. Joy, Laughter, and Play

1. What helps me access my lighthearted parts with you?

2. What does my silly or adventurous side love to do with you?

3. What’s a shared memory that brought out our joyful parts?

4. What part of me holds back from play, and what does it need?

5. What would a weekly ritual of joy look like for our parts?

10. Deepening Emotional Safety and Connection

1. What do I want my most hidden parts to know about how you see me?

2. What helps my protector parts soften when I’m around you?

3. What part of me is afraid to be too much—or not enough?

4. How do I know when I’m feeling emotionally safe with you?

5. What’s one phrase or signal that tells my system we’re okay?

🌀 BONUS: Creative Parts Dialogue Prompts

For couples who want to have fun with parts work or shake up their usual dynamic, try these imaginative, metaphor-based prompts:

1. If your critical part were a houseguest, what would it say over dinner?

2. Imagine our parts on a group road trip—who’s driving, who’s navigating, who’s anxious in the backseat?

3. If one of my parts could write you a poem, what would it be titled?

4. If my playful part threw us a party, what would be there?

5. Which part of me would most want to run away during conflict—and how would it pack its bag?

🎭 BONUS: Conflict Scripts to Practice as a Couple

These conversation starters help bring parts into the room during tough moments.

1. “I can feel a part of me pulling away right now. It’s scared, but it doesn’t want to disconnect.”

2. “There’s a part of me that wants to get loud—but I think it’s just trying to be heard.”

3. “I notice a part of me bracing. Can we slow down?”

4. “This part is remembering something old, and it’s not about you.”

5. “Can we pause so I can check in with what’s going on inside me first?”

Couples Therapy from an IFS Perspective

Parts work in couples isn’t about analyzing each other—it’s about relating more gently. It’s about learning to pause and ask, Who just showed up in me? and Can I stay open to what’s happening in you, too?

If you use even a handful of these prompts, you’ll begin to deepen the kind of emotional intimacy that lasts longer than any perfect conversation. Because once your parts feel safe—you both can begin to feel at home.

Would you like these 100 prompts turned into a printable PDF or couples journal? Let me know and I’ll create a cozy resource you can use together anytime.