Invent Your Connection Style (Especially If the Classic Ones Don’t Fit)

Mar 24

Written By A G

Invent Your Own Connection Style

(Because Love Doesn’t Come with a Script—and That’s Half the Fun)

Let’s be honest: the five “official” love languages are a great starting point…
But for a lot of people—especially neurodivergent folks or anyone in a relationship that doesn’t follow the standard rulebook—they don’t quite fit.

What if saying “I love you” sounds awkward or unnatural?
What if touch is tricky, gifts feel impersonal, or “quality time” looks more like parallel play than candlelit dinners?

Here’s the thing: you’re not limited to the five options in a quiz.

Love is creative. It’s weird. It’s specific.
You’re allowed to invent your own love language.
Actually, I highly recommend it.

Let’s dive into why the old model doesn’t always work—and how to co-create your own version of connection that feels playful, meaningful, and totally yours.

When Love Languages Don’t Quite Fit

If you’ve ever taken the quiz and thought:

“Uhh, I don’t know what my love language is.”
“They say their love language is physical touch, but that’s so overwhelming for me.”
“None of these options explain why I feel so loved when they remember my coffee order.”

Then yes, you’re probably ready to create your own custom settings.

Love languages can feel limited when you:

Have sensory sensitivities
Prefer visual or nonverbal connection
Feel emotionally flooded by direct attention
Express affection in quirky or niche ways
Grew up not seeing your version of love reflected anywhere

So let’s make room for more options.

What Can Be a Love Language?

Anything that says:

“I see you. I know you. I care enough to do this, just for you.”

It could be a ritual. A gesture. A shared look. A secret phrase. A system.
Here are some playful and surprising examples that might already be your love language—whether or not you’ve named it yet.

10 Quirky, Custom Love Languages (That Totally Count)

1. Techy Affection

Sending memes, TikToks, or hyper-specific playlists that say “this reminded me of you.”

2. Preemptive Comforts

Recharging someone’s noise-canceling headphones. Refilling their snack stash. Turning the weighted blanket down before bed.

3. Parallel Play

Sitting together doing different things. No pressure to interact—just sharing space peacefully.

4. Love Through Logistics

Being the one who remembers the doctor appointment. Mapping the driving route. Carrying the emotional Excel sheet of life.

5. Info-Dumping Appreciation

Listening to your partner monologue about frogs, trains, mushroom facts, or obscure internet lore—and actually being into it.

6. Nickname Ecosystems

You’ve created an entire language of inside jokes, voices, or fictional characters only the two of you understand. You refer to your cat as “Manager Steve.” You have a shared imaginary nemesis named Sheila. Love. Language.

7. Routine Anchors

That exact same tea every night. The forehead kiss before the 2 p.m. meeting. Watching the same comfort show every Friday.

8. Shared Silence

Knowing when to talk and when to just be—especially after a long day, a meltdown, or a social hangover.

9. Random Acts of Weirdness

Surprise frog stickers in your lunch. Cryptic text messages in the middle of the workday. Secret sock messages. This is elite intimacy.

10. The “I Knew That Would Make You Smile” Game

Competing to see who can make the other person smile first—with a look, a joke, or a perfectly timed gif.

How to Create Your Own Love Language (As a Couple)

This can be a beautiful, connection-deepening activity. Here's how:

1. Talk About What Actually Lands

Ask each other:

What’s something I’ve done that made you feel really seen?
What kind of attention feels good (and what feels overwhelming)?
When do you feel closest to me?

Take note of what actually works—not what you think should work.

2. Name the Things You Do Without Realizing

Are there rituals or repeated behaviors that you’ve never labeled—but are absolutely a love language?

“You always wait in the driveway until I come inside.”
“You always hand me my favorite mug.”
“You send me frog memes before stressful meetings.”

Make them official. (Bonus points for giving them funny names.)

3. Write a “How I Show Love” Guide

Make a short note for your partner:

“When I do this, I’m saying I love you…”
“This is how I show up, even when I can’t say it out loud.”
“I don’t always get it right—but this is what I’m trying to do.”

And ask your partner to do the same. It’s like a user manual for your heart.

Love Isn’t a Quiz Result—It’s a Collaboration

You’re not too complicated. You don’t need to force yourself into someone else’s definition of closeness.

Love is a shared language you get to create together.
It can be chaotic, funny, sensory-safe, quiet, nerdy, visual, routine-based, or unconventional.

And it can still be real, valid, and deeply intimate.

So forget the boxes. Forget the rules.
Invent your own love language.
And let it be weird, sweet, and exactly what you two need.

Need Help Translating Love in Your Relationship?

I work with neurodivergent couples and individuals across Texas who are tired of feeling misunderstood and ready to build a relationship that actually fits who they are.

Let’s rewrite the rules—together.

Book a free virtual consultation today.

A G