Loving a Dismissive Avoidant Partner
When getting into a new relationship, knowing your own attachment style and your future partners is important for better understanding of one another and also how you both respond in emotional situations. If your partner is dismissive avoidant, this can can feelings of loneliness and isolation in your relationship.
Behavior Patters of Dismissive Avoidant Partners
When dismissive avoidant are chased by their partners they do one thing: run. They are put off by neediness and clinginess and this is usually what draws them to attachment styles like anxious but after awhile, it gets draining to them. The more you push, the more they pull away and put walls up. By understanding your partner’s attachment style can help them heal and shows them love.
If your partner has the behavioral patterns of dismissive avoidant they are independent and can be seen as too independent to their partner.
How Dismissive Avoidants Respond to Love
If you want your partner to reciprocate love to you, you have to give them breathing room and a chance to. Remember, the more you push, the more they pull away. If they feel forced to open up to you, they will run from the situation or even want to break up. They need to have the feeling they are in control and not vice versa. Once they do come to you, allow them to speak freely and not feel judged or criticized, this will push them away again and repeat the cycle. Instead, allow them to feel seen and heard. As time goes on, they will begin to trust some dependency and feel safe with you. Most of their avoidance comes from childhood experiences where they had to be independent and it is a protection mechanism. If they ned space, give them the space they need to process conflict. By refraining from shame this can help your relationship take big leaps for secure attachment. Shame is a big component in avoidant attachment styles.
Understanding Shame in Avoidant Attachment Styles
Some avoidant attachment individuals have a negative self-perception where they may not feel worthy of love, this creates a cycle of them feeling ashamed and avoid situations where these feelings can be triggered. Avoidant attachment styles may also fear rejection and avoid closeness in fear they may be rejected.
Early Childhood Experiences in Avoidant Attachment Style
Each person who has avoidant attachment style has a unique, individual experience. Most of the time, looking at childhood can hold clues into this attachment style. Individuals here may of had childhoods where their needs weren’t met and they had to meet their own needs, forming belief systems that they don’t need anyone. You can imagine in relationships how this can cause issues with excessive independence. We can bring shame back into the picture here because they hold shame for having needs because these were invalidated for them growing up. They may think something is wrong with them if they need support from others or their partner.
Men with Avoidant Attachment Styles
Men with avoidant attachment styles have a few distinct features in relationships. Here are four common ways these show up in relationships:
Emphasis on self-reliance- men showing a need for hyper independence and not relying on their partner for anything. They may avoid emotional intimacy all together.
More flings and short-term relationships- men may be more likely to have short-term relationships or flings to keep their independence strong.
Conflict avoidance- If a serious conversation gets brought up, men may laugh it off or try to avoid it altogether.
Achievement driven- Since their needs weren’t met in childhood, the focus being on achievements, work success and seeking validation in this way.
Women with Avoidant Attachment Styles
Women with avoidant attachment styles have a few distinct features in relationships. Here are four common ways these show up in relationships:
Downplaying needs- women may not want help in situations and tries to take on everything without ever asking for help.
Difficulty being vulnerable- they may avoid deep conversations or want to show vulnerability or weakness to their partner or in new relationships.
Casual relationships- they may have shorter, casual relationships and don’t like the idea of getting serious with anyone.
Complex emotions- tendency to be passive aggressive instead of direct with emotions. In relationships they slowly withdrawal and distance themselves.
FAQs on Dismissive Avoidant Partners
Do dismissive avoidant attachment styles take you for granted?
What may look like taking you for granted, is your partner showing you they need more independence. Since self-reliance is top priority for dismissive avoidant styles, it may seem like you’re being taken for granted. They may not see the impact they have on your emotions.
What happens when a dismissive avoidant falls out of love?
Intense distance. They may stop returning phone calls, texts, etc. Although this behavior is common, it will become extreme once they fall out of love. In addition, they may focus on projects, work and anything to distract from the relationship.
Can a relationship with a dismissive avoidant partner be successful?
It can. Therapy can help and be a tool for a successful relationship. By understanding your values, differences together and how you each respond to situations are some of the building blocks to making it work. By approaching situations with compassion and non-judgement is one of the many ways in forming a closer bond with your partner.
Should I go to therapy with my partner who is dismissive avoidant?
Yes, therapy can be beneficial for you and your parter, whether it is couples counseling or individual. In therapy we will address attachment issues, improving communication between you and your partner, and develop healthy relationship patterns in working through your each individual attachment styles. Individual therapy can also support the dismissive avoidant partner in working through attachment issues within their relationships or dating in general.
Therapy for Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Styles
If you feel you or you and your partner could benefit from therapy, reach out to us today to schedule a couples or individual session. Our main focus is couples counseling and individual therapy for those who are working on their attachment styles and a better understanding of self. Working through childhood trauma, relationships and anything that is keeping you from secure attachment styles is what we’ll work on together.
