Should We Try Couples Therapy Before Exploring Other Fertility Options?
Couples going through infertility go through an intense emotional experience together. For some, they come together, and for others, they can grow apart or feel emotionally distanced because of the highs and lows. Decisions about fertility treatments, egg donation, or alternative paths to parenthood don’t just affect your body—they affect your mind and the emotions that come with that.
So before jumping into another round of IVF, considering egg donation, or exploring other fertility options, it’s worth asking: Would couples therapy help us feel more emotionally prepared for this journey, whatever it may look like?
How Infertility Affects Relationships
Infertility doesn’t just affect individuals—it affects couples because although it can seem like one person is affected more, it affects you as a couple if you’re going through the experience together. No matter how strong a relationship is, it can bring a new weight.
You might notice:
One partner is more optimistic, while the other is preparing for disappointment.
One person needs to talk about it constantly, while the other prefers to process things quietly.
Sex starts to feel more like a scheduled task than a natural, intimate experience.
Conversations feel tense or repetitive, with the same arguments repeating repeatedly.
When Couples Therapy Might Be a Good Idea
Not every couple experiencing infertility needs therapy, but there are some clear signs that it could be helpful.
If you and your partner are experiencing:
Breakdowns in communication (feeling unheard, arguing more, or avoiding difficult conversations).
Emotional disconnection (feeling like you’re dealing with infertility alone rather than as a team).
Differences in coping styles (one partner bottling up emotions while the other needs constant reassurance).
Disagreements about the next steps (whether to try another treatment, explore third-party reproduction, or consider other options).
Intimacy struggles (sex feeling pressure or resentment creeping in).
How Couples Therapy Can Help Before Making Big Fertility Decisions
Infertility comes with a lot of big decisions, and those decisions are often layered with emotions, uncertainty, and what-ifs. Couples therapy can help by:
Strengthening Communication and Emotional Support
Infertility is an emotional experience, but not every couple processes it the same way.
Express their emotions without feeling dismissed or invalidated.
Be supportive without trying to “fix” the other person.
Create healthier communication patterns that reduce tension and misunderstandings.
Clarifying Your Fertility Options as a Team
There’s no “one-size-fits-all” approach to fertility treatments. Some couples are on the same page about what they want, and some are hesitant or disagree about the next steps.
Therapy can help you discuss questions like:
Do we both feel comfortable with continuing treatments or is one of us feeling unsure?
How do we weigh the emotional, financial, and physical impact of another round of treatment?
What are our fears or concerns about options like donor eggs, surrogacy, or adoption?
Rebuilding Intimacy and Connection
One of the most common issues for couples experiencing infertility is the change in their intimacy.
Many people say that trying to conceive starts to feel more like a medical procedure that takes away from their sex life or intimacy together, leading to:
Decreased sexual desire or feeling like intimacy is only about baby-making.
Feeling emotionally disconnected during a time when closeness is needed most.
Avoiding intimacy altogether out of frustration, pressure, or grief.
Therapy can help couples reconnect, not just physically but emotionally:
Finding ways to make intimacy feel enjoyable again rather than something tied only to fertility.
Understanding how stress affects desire and ways to rekindle emotional closeness.
Creating a sense of partnership and closeness outside of fertility struggles.
Should You Try Therapy Before Exploring More Fertility Options?
There’s no universal answer, and it is ultimately up to you and your partner, but asking yourself the right questions can get you there to see what is best for both of you.
If you’re unsure, consider these questions:
Do we feel emotionally connected as a couple, or are we struggling to stay connected?
Are we making fertility decisions together, or does one of us feel pressured?
Do we feel like we’re dealing with this as a team, or are we drifting apart?
Finding Infertility Couples Counseling With Sagebrush Counseling
Whether you’re struggling with communication or decision-making, we’re here to help. Reach out today to explore how couples therapy can support you in your infertility journey—because no matter where your fertility journey leads, your relationship deserves care and attention, too.
