What “Bridgerton” Teaches Us About Shame, Desire, and Emotional Avoidance
If you’ve watched even one season of Bridgerton, you already know: it’s not just about high society drama, stunning gowns, or scandalous secrets—it’s about intimacy. And not just the steamy scenes. I’m talking about the kind of intimacy that scares us, moves us, and sometimes… breaks us.
As a therapist who works with couples and individuals around sex, communication, and emotional blocks, I couldn’t help but notice how Bridgerton brings some very real dynamics to the surface.
So let’s talk about what this Regency-era romance teaches us about shame, desire, emotional avoidance—and why so many of us still struggle to talk about what we want (and need).
The Role of Shame in Desire
One of the biggest emotional undercurrents in Bridgerton is shame.
Shame around sex. Shame around wanting. Shame around not knowing.
Daphne, raised with barely any real information about intimacy, enters marriage with expectations, fears, and confusion. Her desire is alive, but her understanding is clouded. She doesn’t know how to ask. She doesn’t know if she’s allowed to.
Sound familiar?
So many people—especially those raised in religious, conservative, or emotionally repressed environments—come to therapy carrying silent shame. Not just about sex, but about:
Their needs
Their bodies
Their pleasure
Their emotional longing
🛋️ In therapy, we often begin with this: What messages did you receive about desire growing up? And how are those messages still echoing today?
Emotional Avoidance Looks Like Self-Protecting (Not Disinterest)
Now let’s talk about the Duke.
Simon is brooding, guarded, and emotionally unavailable—not because he doesn’t care, but because he’s protecting himself from pain. His childhood trauma, abandonment wounds, and relationship with his father taught him that vulnerability is dangerous.
So he avoids. He stays silent. He pushes Daphne away, even while craving connection.
🛋️ In therapy, this dynamic shows up often: One partner shuts down, the other escalates. It’s not about who “cares more”—it’s about survival patterns. Emotional avoidance is often fear in disguise.
The Breakdown of Communication Isn’t Just About Talking
Daphne and Simon’s biggest conflict isn’t about sex—it’s about trust, withholding, and the inability to say:
“This is what I want.” “This is what I’m afraid of.” “This is where I hurt.”
Real communication in relationships isn’t just about having conversations. It’s about creating a safe enough environment where both people feel able to speak honestly—without fear of rejection, judgment, or punishment.
🛋️ Therapy insight: When couples come in saying “we don’t communicate,” what they often mean is: “We don’t feel emotionally safe enough to be real with each other.”
The Fear of Being Too Much—or Not Enough
Daphne wants to be wanted. Simon wants to be accepted, even in his emotional messiness. But neither of them is saying what they truly feel.
And underneath it?
The fear of being too needy.
The fear of being unlovable.
The fear of being rejected if someone sees the real you.
This shows up in therapy all the time—in the way couples hide parts of themselves, in the way individuals twist into knots trying to be what they think their partner wants.
But true intimacy doesn’t come from perfection. It comes from truth.
🛋️ Therapist question: What would happen if you let your partner see the part of you you’re afraid to share?
Sex Isn’t Just Physical—It’s Emotional Language
In Bridgerton, sex is more than scandal—it’s story.
It’s the way characters seek connection, power, validation, or even revenge. And for many real couples, that dynamic rings true.
Sometimes sex means:
“I want to feel close to you.”
“I need to know I still matter.”
“I’m trying to reconnect after a fight.”
And when there’s disconnection in the relationship, the bedroom often becomes the battleground—or the silence.
🛋️ In therapy, we unpack this: What is sex communicating in your relationship right now? And what isn’t being said out loud?
The Impact of Secrets & Silence
A core thread of Bridgerton is secrecy—family secrets, sexual ignorance, withheld truths.
And secrets, even the quiet ones, create distance. They send the message: I don’t trust you with this part of me.
In relationships, silence isn’t neutral. It builds walls. Especially around sex, shame, and emotional safety.
🛋️ Therapist thought: The goal isn’t to say everything, but to learn how to share the things that matter. Even when it’s hard.
Rewriting the Rules of Intimacy
What I love about Bridgerton is that the characters do grow. They begin to challenge the rules they were given—rules about love, gender, desire, and marriage.
They mess up. They hurt each other. But they also learn.
And that’s what therapy often looks like:
Unlearning shame
Reclaiming your voice
Learning how to name what you need without apology
Letting intimacy be a two-way street—not a guessing game
If You and Your Partner Struggle to Talk About Sex, You’re Not Alone
Sexual silence is more common than most people realize. And it’s not about a lack of desire—it’s about:
Performance pressure
Shame
Mismatched expectations
Fear of rejection
The good news? These are skills. And you can learn them.
🛋️ In therapy, I help couples:
Name their desires without shame
Reconnect physically and emotionally
Work through avoidance, anxiety, or pain
Build sexual intimacy that feels safe, joyful, and real
Final Thoughts from a Therapist
You don’t have to wear a corset to understand the pressure of emotional restraint.
You don’t have to live in a Regency mansion to know what it feels like to crave love but fear being seen.
And you definitely don’t have to settle for a relationship where shame and silence stand between you and connection.
Desire isn’t shameful. Emotion isn’t weakness. Communication isn’t optional—it’s everything.
Whether you're healing your own shame, learning to speak your needs, or exploring intimacy with a partner, you're not alone.
And if you're ready to rewrite the story you were taught about love, sex, and vulnerability—therapy is a beautiful place to begin.
Even Lady Whistledown would approve. 😉
