What is Considered Cheating in a Relationship?
“Wait… You Think That Was Cheating?”
Have you ever been in a relationship where one of you thought something was totally harmless—and the other saw it as a betrayal?
It happens more often than you’d think.
Because here’s the truth: cheating isn’t always about sex. Sometimes it’s emotional. Sometimes it’s online. Sometimes it’s the hiding that stings more than the act itself.
So, what actually is considered cheating? Let’s talk about it—and how to make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
Cheating Isn’t Always Physical
A lot of people assume cheating = sleeping with someone else. But for many couples, it’s way more complicated than that.
Here are just a few examples of what cheating can look like:
Flirty texting or Snapchatting behind your partner’s back
Reconnecting with an ex and not telling your partner
Sending suggestive photos to someone else
Creating fake dating profiles “just for fun”
Emotionally investing in someone new and pulling away from your relationship
The common thread? Secrecy. Dishonesty. Emotional distance.
It’s not always about the act—it’s about the impact.
What Matters Most? Your Agreements
Every couple has their own definition of what feels okay and what crosses a line. The trouble comes when those definitions are never actually talked about.
One person might be fine with casual flirting. The other might see it as a hard no.
One couple might have an open relationship. Another is fully monogamous.
The key here is clarity. Not assumptions. If you don’t talk about what cheating means to you, you might find out the hard way that you weren’t on the same page after all.
Emotional Cheating Is Real—And It Hurts
You don’t have to sleep with someone to betray your partner’s trust.
If you're sharing your deep thoughts, feelings, and daily life with someone else—especially if you're keeping it from your partner—that's emotional intimacy. And when it replaces closeness in your relationship, it can feel like a betrayal.
For some people, emotional affairs are even harder to forgive than physical ones. They can feel like a deeper kind of loss—because it wasn’t “just sex.” It was connection.
“But I Didn’t Mean To…”
Look, a lot of cheating doesn’t start with bad intentions.
It starts with a small choice—a text, a like, a conversation you didn’t mention.
You might not mean to hurt your partner. But if it’s something you feel the need to hide, pause and ask yourself why.
Intent matters. But so does impact. Even if you didn’t mean for it to turn into something, secrecy and broken trust can still leave lasting damage.
What About “Micro-Cheating”?
You might’ve heard this term floating around—micro-cheating.
It’s stuff like:
Still texting your “work wife” or “gym crush”
Flirty comments on someone’s social media
Talking like you’re single when you’re not
Deleting messages so your partner won’t see them
Is it cheating? Depends who you ask.
But here’s a good gut check: if you wouldn’t want your partner doing the same thing, or if you’d be hurt if they found out, that’s probably something worth talking about.
Yes—You Can Cheat in an Open Relationship
Yep. Even in non-monogamous relationships, cheating can happen.
Because cheating isn’t just about sex. It’s about breaking trust.
That might look like:
Not being honest about who you’re seeing
Breaking the rules you agreed on
Hiding new partners
Ignoring boundaries around protection or communication
Whether you’re monogamous, poly, or somewhere in between, honesty and respect are non-negotiable.
How to Talk About What Cheating Means to You
Here’s a wild idea: talk about what “cheating” actually means to you before someone gets hurt.
You don’t need a long, formal meeting. Just real, honest conversation.
You could ask:
“What would feel like crossing a line for you?”
“How do we both define loyalty or trust?”
“Are there any gray areas we should talk through together?”
You’d be surprised how many people never have this conversation—until something breaks.
If You’ve Been Cheated On, You’re Not Overreacting
Whether it was emotional or physical, a one-time slip or an ongoing lie—you’re allowed to feel however you feel.
Angry. Hurt. Confused. Numb. Like everything is upside down.
Betrayal is disorienting. You start questioning everything—your relationship, yourself, your ability to ever trust again.
Therapy can help you process that hurt, make sense of what happened, and figure out what you want to do next—whether that’s rebuilding or walking away.
If You Were the One Who Cheated…
You’re not a terrible person. You’re not beyond redemption.
People cheat for all kinds of reasons—loneliness, resentment, emotional disconnection, avoidance. That doesn’t make it okay, but it does make it human.
If you’re willing to be honest about what happened, take responsibility, and do the work to repair the damage, healing is possible.
(And yes, that includes working on your own patterns so you don’t end up in the same cycle again.)
Cheating Looks Different in Every Relationship—But Trust Is Always the Heart of It
In the end, cheating isn’t just about breaking a rule—it’s about breaking a bond.
It’s the breach of trust that cuts the deepest.
At Sagebrush Counseling, I work with individuals and couples navigating infidelity, betrayal, emotional disconnection, and trust repair. Whether you’re on the brink of a breakup, rebuilding from a breach, or simply trying to get on the same page—this is a safe place to talk it out.
Ready to have a real conversation about trust, honesty, and what love looks like for you? Let’s talk.
