What to Do if Your Son and Daughter-in-law Are Having Marital Problems?
Seeing your son and daughter-in-law go through marital problems can be difficult. As a parent, your instinct may be to step in, offer advice, or try to fix things. You want the best for them and may worry about how their struggles could impact your family, their children, or even your relationship with them.
At the same time, their marriage is their relationship, and the last thing you want to do is overstep or make things worse. Offering support without interfering requires careful balance, emotional awareness, and respect for their autonomy.
1. Recognize That This Is Their Relationship, Not Yours
No matter how much you love your son, his marriage is between him and his wife, not the entire family. You might see warning signs of conflict, hear about problems from one side, or sense tension, but that doesn’t mean you have the full picture.
Avoid assuming you know exactly what’s happening or that your involvement is necessary. Every couple faces challenges, and not all conflicts require outside intervention.
Instead of jumping in immediately, ask yourself:
Are they asking for my help, or am I offering it uninvited?
Do I know both sides of the story, or just one?
Would my involvement help them, or could it create more tension?
The best approach is to offer support without controlling the outcome.
2. Listen Without Taking Sides
If your son confides in you about problems in his marriage, it’s important to listen without judgment. He may be looking for guidance, or he may just need a place to vent. Either way, your role is to provide a safe, neutral space where he can talk freely without pressure.
When listening:
Avoid criticizing his spouse. Even if you feel protective of him, attacking his wife could make him defensive or regret opening up.
Don’t offer immediate solutions. He may just need to process his emotions before deciding what to do.
Encourage self-reflection. Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask questions like:
“What do you think needs to change for things to improve?”
“How have you both been handling conflict?”
If your daughter-in-law also confides in you, apply the same approach—stay neutral, avoid taking sides, and listen with an open heart.
3. Avoid Interfering Unless They Ask for Your Help
It can be tempting to step in when you see a loved one struggling in their marriage. You may want to share advice, encourage counseling, or even mediate a conversation between them. But unless they explicitly ask for your involvement, it’s best to stay in a supportive but non-intrusive role.
Interfering can:
Create resentment—they may feel like you’re overstepping.
Put you in the middle of conflicts that should be resolved between them.
Cause more tension in their marriage if one partner feels like you’re taking sides.
If they do ask for help, set clear boundaries around what you’re comfortable with. You can offer support without becoming their referee or therapist.
4. Be Mindful of How You Talk About Their Marriage
Words carry weight, especially when emotions are high. Be careful how you talk about their relationship—both to them and to others.
Avoid:
Criticizing their spouse to other family members.
Bringing up their conflicts at family gatherings.
Making negative assumptions about how things will turn out.
Even if things seem bad now, relationships evolve. If they reconcile, hurtful words can’t be taken back. Stay respectful and supportive in how you talk about their marriage.
5. Offer Encouragement Without Pushing Solutions
If they seem open to advice, you can gently offer suggestions without making them feel pressured.
Some ways to encourage them:
Remind them that marriage takes work. Many couples go through rough patches and come out stronger.
Encourage open communication. Ask if they’ve had honest conversations with each other about their concerns.
Suggest professional support if they’re receptive. If they bring up therapy or counseling, reinforce the idea that seeking help is a sign of strength, not failure.
What not to do:
Push them into therapy if they’re not ready. They have to want help for it to be effective.
Say things like, “You should just leave” or “You need to fix this right away.” Their choices need to be their own.
Encouragement is about supporting their process, not controlling their decisions.
6. Strengthen Your Own Relationship with Them
No matter what’s happening in their marriage, keeping your own relationship with your son and daughter-in-law strong is essential.
Ways to do this:
Be present in their lives outside of their marriage struggles. Ask about work, hobbies, or their well-being—not just their relationship.
Avoid pressuring them to talk about their issues. Let them share on their own terms.
Maintain your role as a parent, not a mediator. Being their emotional support doesn’t mean fixing everything for them.
The healthier your connection with them, the more likely they’ll turn to you for guidance when they truly need it.
7. If They Have Children, Offer Support Without Overstepping
If your son and daughter-in-law have children, their marital issues may affect the entire family dynamic. While you may worry about your grandchildren, be careful not to overstep or insert yourself into their parenting decisions.
Ways to help:
Be a steady, loving presence for your grandchildren. Keep their routines as normal as possible.
Avoid speaking negatively about either parent. Children pick up on family tension easily.
Offer practical help—babysitting, meals, or just being available if needed.
Your role is to offer stability without interfering in decisions that are up to the parents.
8. Accept That the Outcome Is Out of Your Control
This may be the hardest part—accepting that, no matter what happens, their marriage is not in your hands.
If they work through their problems, that’s their success.
If they separate, that’s their decision.
If things remain complicated, that’s their journey to navigate.
You can love them, support them, and be there for them—but their relationship is ultimately theirs to figure out.
Letting go of the need to fix or control their situation will not only ease your stress, but it will also allow them the space they need to work things out on their own terms.
Final Thoughts: Be a Source of Strength, Not Stress
When your son and daughter-in-law are having marital problems, the best thing you can do is be a calm, steady presence in their lives.
Offer support without taking sides.
Listen without rushing to fix things.
Respect their privacy while keeping communication open.
Be available without overstepping.
Relationships go through highs and lows, and while you can’t control what happens, you can choose to be a source of encouragement, wisdom, and stability for both of them.
And if the time ever comes when they truly need guidance, they’ll know exactly where to turn.
