Why Do Some People Talk Too Much? A Therapist’s Take on Over-Talking and Connection
You know the feeling: you’re stuck in a conversation that seems a little one-sided, and you’re wondering if you’ll ever get a word in. Or maybe you’ve left a chat asking yourself, “Did I just overshare? Did I talk too much?”
Let’s get one thing clear—talking a lot doesn’t mean someone’s rude or self-centered. In fact, in therapy, when someone “talks too much,” it’s often a sign of something deeper going on.
Whether you’re a self-proclaimed talker or someone who finds these dynamics tricky, let’s break it down together—without shame, without judgment. Just honest curiosity.
What Does It Even Mean to “Talk Too Much”?
Everyone has different thresholds. What feels like “too much” to one person might feel totally normal to another.
But generally, we say someone talks a lot when:
They dominate the conversation without leaving space for others
They jump from topic to topic without checking in
They over-share quickly or talk mostly about themselves
Still, context matters. Some people talk more when they’re excited. Others when they’re nervous. So let’s talk about why.
1. Anxiety Can Make You Talk More, Not Less
Yep, you read that right. People with social anxiety often talk a lot to avoid awkward silences or feeling judged.
Talking becomes a way to stay in control. If they’re speaking, they don’t have to sit in the discomfort of not knowing what to say—or fearing what someone else might think.
So if someone’s rambling or over-explaining, it might not be that they’re full of themselves. They might just be trying not to fall apart inside.
2. Some People Never Felt Heard Growing Up
If someone grew up in a household where their voice didn’t matter, or where being quiet was equated with being “good,” they may talk a lot as adults because they’re finally in a space where they can.
It might sound like:
“Please hear me.”
“Let me explain so I don’t get misunderstood again.”
“If I don’t keep talking, will I disappear?”
Over-talking can be a form of reclaiming space that was once denied.
3. ADHD and Neurodivergent Brains Work Differently
Folks with ADHD often have racing thoughts and tons of enthusiasm. That energy can pour out verbally—fast.
They might interrupt, go on tangents, or talk over people. Not because they don’t care, but because their brain is just doing what it does.
Similarly, many autistic folks talk in depth about topics they love, sometimes without noticing social cues that someone else is ready to talk.
These communication styles aren’t wrong—they’re just different.
4. Some People Just Process Out Loud
We all think differently. Some of us process by reflecting quietly. Others need to talk it out.
Talking helps some people think clearly, solve problems, or calm down. It’s how they make sense of the world. That’s not a flaw—it’s a style.
That said, if someone is always the one talking, it’s worth asking: Am I still creating connection—or just filling space?
5. Low Self-Esteem Can Lead to Over-Explaining
Ever notice someone constantly apologizing, repeating themselves, or trying to justify their every thought?
That’s often the voice of someone who’s not sure they deserve to be heard. So they keep talking to prove their worth.
It can sound like:
“Does that make sense?”
“Sorry, I’m rambling…”
“I just want to explain one more thing…”
It’s not about being annoying—it’s about not feeling enough.
6. Sometimes, They Just Don’t Know
Not everyone has been told, gently and lovingly, that they talk too much. And some folks genuinely don’t pick up on body language, time limits, or social cues.
This doesn’t make them bad communicators—it just means they might need more direct, kind feedback.
What You Can Do (With Kindness)
If you're looking for ways to better understand or support someone who talks a lot—or you're someone who talks a lot yourself—here are 20 compassionate ideas to consider:
If You're on the Receiving End:
Use gentle cues. Try soft interjections like, "Can I jump in for a sec?" or "I’d love to share something too."
Ask questions. Redirect the conversation with curiosity: “I wonder what others think about this—can we ask?”
Name the pattern with warmth. “I love hearing your stories—can we pause for a bit so I can reflect too?”
Step away if you need to. It’s okay to take a break or shift gears when you feel overwhelmed.
Offer validation first. “I see how much this means to you—thank you for sharing.” Then shift.
Set time boundaries in advance. This can help both parties feel more comfortable in conversation.
Model balance. Share your thoughts and then intentionally invite theirs.
Ask for shared airtime. “Let’s go around and each take a few minutes to share.”
Use humor (if it fits). Lighthearted jokes about talking habits can sometimes ease tension.
Check in afterward. “That was a lot—how did you feel about our conversation?”
If You're the One Who Talks a Lot:
Pause and ask questions. “What do you think?” or “Have you ever experienced this?”
Watch body language. Crossed arms, distant gazes, or silence might mean someone’s feeling unheard.
Keep it short and sweet. Practice summarizing thoughts in a few sentences.
Breathe. Talking fast often comes from anxiety. A deep breath can slow the pace.
Reflect on your why. Are you filling space because silence feels scary?
Own it with grace. “Oops—I get carried away when I’m excited. What were you going to say?”
Create space intentionally. “I’ve been talking a lot—please tell me about your day.”
Journal your thoughts. If your mind feels full, writing can help release the urge to speak it all.
Practice mindful conversation. Focus on listening just as much as speaking.
Be kind to yourself. Over-talking is often a sign you care deeply—just remember connection goes both ways.
These aren’t rules—they’re gentle invitations to build more awareness and connection in the way we communicate.
If you’re feeling steamrolled in conversation, you don’t have to silently endure it—or cut the person off harshly.
Try gentle redirects:
“I’d love to share my thoughts, too.”
“Can I add something here?”
“I’m really interested in hearing your story, and I want to make sure I can share mine, too.”
If you talk a lot and you’re starting to notice it, that’s not something to feel ashamed of. Try asking yourself:
“Am I talking from a place of connection—or fear?”
“Have I invited the other person in?”
“Is this a mutual exchange or a monologue?”
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being aware.
Therapy for Anxiety
Most people who talk too much aren’t trying to be rude. They’re trying to connect, manage anxiety, share joy, or heal old wounds.
Talking is a powerful tool. But so is listening. When we can understand the why behind someone’s words (or our own), we create more space for empathy and real connection.
If this hits home—whether you’re the talker or the quiet one—therapy can help. You get to practice being heard and hearing others in a space that feels safe and shame-free.
Because everyone deserves to feel seen—and sometimes, to be gently reminded to make space for others, too.
Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy. If you're navigating communication struggles or relationship dynamics, working with a therapist can be a supportive next step.
