Why Some Couples Choose to Donate Embryos Instead of Discarding: The Emotional & Ethical Process
Understanding the Decision to Donate Embryos
For many couples who have undergone in vitro fertilization (IVF), the journey doesn’t end with a successful pregnancy. After years of treatment, emotional ups and downs, and significant financial investment, some couples find themselves facing a new, unexpected decision—what to do with remaining embryos.
When a couple has more embryos than they plan to use, they typically have several options:
Keep them frozen for future use (even if they are uncertain about additional children).
Discard them if they feel their family is complete.
Donate them for scientific research to contribute to medical advancements.
Donate them to another couple hoping to conceive through embryo adoption.
For some, the idea of discarding embryos feels emotionally or ethically difficult, leading them to consider donation. But this is not an easy decision—it carries deep emotional weight, ethical considerations, and a range of personal beliefs about life, family, and the meaning of parenthood.
This article explores why some couples choose to donate their embryos, the emotions involved, and the ethical considerations that shape this choice.
The Emotional Journey of Embryo Donation
1. The Emotional Connection to Frozen Embryos
Many couples describe an unexpected emotional attachment to their embryos. Even though they are microscopic cells stored in a medical facility, these embryos represent:
The potential for life and a future they once dreamed of.
The physical and emotional investment that went into creating them.
A deep connection to their fertility journey, filled with both struggle and hope.
For some, discarding embryos feels like closing a door they’re not emotionally ready to close. Donation provides an alternative—one that allows these embryos to have a chance at life while helping another family.
2. Finding Meaning After Infertility
For couples who have struggled with infertility, the journey often includes years of longing, loss, and resilience. When they finally conceive and complete their family, some feel called to help another couple who is still in that struggle.
Some reasons intended parents choose donation include:
A desire to “pay it forward” and give another couple the same opportunity they had.
The idea that their embryos can bring joy to someone else rather than remaining unused.
A sense of purpose in knowing that what they went through led to something meaningful.
Donation can feel like a way to honor the difficult journey of infertility by offering hope to others.
3. Concerns About Future Genetic Connection
One of the most complex emotional aspects of embryo donation is the realization that their biological children may exist in another family. This brings up deep questions:
Will my biological child ever want to find me?
How will I feel knowing I have children I will never raise?
Should we tell our existing children that they have genetic siblings out there?
These questions don’t have easy answers, and every couple approaches them differently. Some feel at peace knowing they have given another family a chance at parenthood, while others feel conflicted about not being part of a potential child’s life.
Working with a counselor can help intended parents process these emotions fully before making a final decision.
Ethical Considerations in Embryo Donation
1. Personal Beliefs About When Life Begins
Many couples wrestle with moral and ethical questions when deciding what to do with unused embryos. These beliefs often shape their choices:
Those who see embryos as potential life may feel uncomfortable discarding them and prefer donation.
Others believe embryos are a cluster of cells until implanted, making discarding or donating to research a more comfortable choice.
Some have religious or cultural beliefs that influence how they view embryo disposition.
There is no universal "right" decision—only what feels ethically and emotionally right for each couple.
2. Choosing Between Open or Anonymous Donation
Couples who donate embryos typically choose between open donation (with potential contact in the future) or anonymous donation (no identifying information shared).
Each option comes with emotional and ethical considerations:
Open Donation allows for a level of connection between families, which some find comforting.
Anonymous Donation provides privacy but may create challenges if donor-conceived children want to learn about their origins later in life.
These decisions require careful thought and open discussions, often guided by medical professionals or fertility counselors.
3. The Rights and Needs of the Future Child
A growing body of research suggests that children conceived through donor conception benefit from knowing their origins. Some embryo donors take this into account and prefer open donation arrangements, where the child may have access to medical history or even future contact.
Ethically, many donors ask themselves:
What would be in the best interest of the child created from this donation?
Will they want to know where they came from?
How can we make sure this is handled in a way that respects everyone involved?
These are deeply personal questions, and different couples arrive at different conclusions.
Making Peace with the Decision
Regardless of the choice a couple makes—whether to donate, discard, or continue storing embryos—coming to terms with the decision is an important part of the process.
Steps to Find Emotional Closure
Allow time for processing. This is a significant decision, and there is no need to rush.
Seek counseling or support. Many fertility clinics offer resources to help navigate embryo disposition.
Acknowledge and honor your journey. Whether through a personal ritual, journaling, or a private letter to the embryos, some couples find comfort in marking this transition in a meaningful way.
Most importantly, trust yourself and your instincts. There is no single right answer—only what feels best for your heart, your family, and your future.
Final Thoughts: A Deeply Personal Choice
Deciding what to do with unused embryos is one of the most emotionally complex parts of infertility. For some couples, donation offers a sense of purpose and hope, knowing that their journey has helped another family grow. For others, discarding or storing embryos feels like the right decision.
Whatever path you choose, know that your emotions are valid, your concerns are real, and your choice deserves respect.
Finding Support Through Sagebrush Counseling
If you’re struggling with the decision of what to do with unused embryos, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Sagebrush Counseling specializes in infertility counseling and ethical decision-making support, helping couples explore their emotions and find clarity in their choices.
Reach out today to schedule a session and take the next step toward emotional peace and confidence in your decision.
