50 Tips to Refresh a Marriage After Separation
If you’re considering restarting, rekindling, or figuring out if you’ll get back together after a separation, this is the post for you.
What is Legal Separation?
Legal separation is a court-recognized status where a married couple decides to live apart while remaining legally married. You'll have to determine if you’re separating and living in different houses but aren’t making it a legal separation yet. If you’re living separately, you may decide if you’ll get divorced, but this hasn’t happened yet (read below for other terms that aren’t legal but informal). Before filling out divorce papers (permanent), separation is a decision a couple makes if they are considering divorce but aren’t sure yet. Often chosen over divorce for personal, financial, or religious reasons, legal separation allows couples to maintain marital benefits such as insurance coverage while living independently.
Legal separation is often contrasted with the following options:
1. Living Apart Informally
This is when a married couple decides to live separately without involving the court.
No legal agreement outlines responsibilities like finances, child custody, or spousal support.
It offers flexibility but lacks legal protections or enforceability.
2. Divorce (Dissolution of Marriage)
Divorce is the legal termination of a marriage, making both individuals legally single and free to remarry.
Unlike legal separation, divorce permanently severs the marital bond and includes final decisions on property division, custody, and support.
3. Annulment
An annulment declares a marriage null and void as if it never legally existed.
It is typically granted under specific circumstances, such as fraud, coercion, or incapacity.
4. Trial Separation
A trial separation is an informal arrangement where the couple lives apart temporarily to evaluate their relationship.
It does not involve legal agreements or court recognition.
5. Reconciliation
Sometimes, couples may separate to work on their relationship and reconcile rather than take steps toward divorce or legal separation.
Legal separation is chosen when a couple wants to live apart and formalize arrangements (e.g., financial and parental responsibilities) without ending the marriage. It can serve as a middle ground for those unsure about divorce, needing time to decide, or wishing to retain certain marital benefits.
How to Refresh after a Separation
If you and your spouse consider giving your marriage another chance, these 50 tips can guide you through rebuilding your relationship.
1. Reflect Individually
Before you begin reconciliation, take time for personal reflection. Understand what you’ve learned during the separation and what changes you need to make.
2. Communicate Openly
Open communication is the foundation of a strong relationship. Talk openly about your feelings, fears, and expectations. If you need couples counseling, a good starting point is now.
3. Seek Professional Help
Consider seeking help from a marriage counselor or therapist. Check out our services at Sagebrush Counseling if you’re going this route.
4. Establish Trust
Rebuilding trust through honesty, transparency, and consistency in your actions and words.
5. Take It Slow
Don’t rush the process. Rebuilding a relationship takes time.
6. Date Each Other Again
Rediscover each other by dating again. Go out for coffee, dinner, or a movie like when you first met.
7. Acknowledge Past Hurts
Acknowledge the issues that led to your separation.
8. Forgive Each Other
Forgiveness is key to moving forward. Forgive yourself and your partner for past mistakes.
9. Set New Goals
Set new goals for your relationship. What do you both want to achieve in your renewed marriage?
10. Be Patient with Each Other
Understand that healing is a process. Be patient with each other and yourselves.
11. Work on Emotional Intimacy
Rebuild emotional intimacy by sharing your thoughts and feelings. Be vulnerable with each other.
12. Improve Physical Intimacy
Physical closeness can help strengthen your bond. Start with simple gestures like holding hands or hugging. Don’t rush this part.
13. Celebrate Small Victories
Acknowledge and celebrate every small step forward in your relationship.
14. Stay Positive
Maintain a positive outlook on your relationship. Believe in your ability to rebuild and strengthen your bond.
15. Create New Memories
Create new, positive memories together to replace the old, painful ones.
16. Respect Each Other’s Space
Give each other enough space to grow individually, even as you grow together.
17. Share Your Daily Experiences
Share how your day went. This small talk can strengthen your connection.
18. Recommit to the Marriage
If you’re ready, make a new commitment to each other.
19. Adopt Healthy Communication Techniques
Learn and practice healthy communication techniques, such as active listening.
20. Manage Expectations
Be realistic about what can be achieved and how long it might take.
21. Support Each Other’s Dreams
Support each other's dreams and aspirations.
22. Engage in Joint Activities
Find activities you enjoy and can do together, such as cooking, hiking, or attending classes.
23. Learn to Compromise
Compromise is essential in any relationship. Find a middle ground where both can agree.
24. Deal with External Pressures
Learn to handle work, family, or friends pressures that could impact your relationship.
25. Revisit Places with Positive Memories
Visit places that hold special memories from the early days of your relationship.
26. Maintain Mutual Respect
Always treat each other with respect, even during an argument.
27. Keep Your Sense of Humor
A shared laugh can ease tension and bring you closer.
28. Regular Check-ins
Have regular check-ins to discuss the health of your relationship.
29. Show Appreciation
Regularly express appreciation for each other and practice self-compassion.
30. Avoid Old Patterns
Be mindful of falling into old, destructive relationship patterns.
31. Be Supportive During Hard Times
Offer support when your partner is down.
32. Spend Quality Time Together
Make quality time a priority, even if it’s just a few minutes each day.
33. Practice Patience
Patience is crucial during this rebuilding phase.
34. Practice Self-Compassion
Practicing self-compassion for yourself and your partner.
35. Stay Committed to Change
Both partners must be committed to making changes to improve the relationship.
36. Address Financial Issues
Openly discuss and manage any financial issues that may affect your relationship.
37. Cultivate a Shared Vision
Work together to develop a shared vision for your future.
38. Recognize and Admit Mistakes
Be willing to admit mistakes and learn from them.
39. Enhance Your Relationship Skills
Continuously look for ways to enhance your relationship skills through books, workshops, or counseling.
40. Focus on the Present
Focus on the present rather than dwelling on past conflicts.
41. Practice Gratitude
Focus on being grateful for the positives in your relationship.
42. Encourage Each Other
Encourage each other in all aspects of life.
43. Maintain Outside Friendships
Maintain friendships outside of your marriage to create balance.
44. Address Needs Directly
Communicate your needs directly and clearly without expecting your partner to guess.
45. Use ‘We’ Instead of ‘I’
Use inclusive language that emphasizes unity.
46. Acknowledge Growth
Acknowledge and celebrate personal and relational growth.
47. Maintain Personal Identity
Keep a strong sense of personal identity within the marriage.
48. Embrace Flexibility
Be flexible with each other as you grow and change.
49. Create a Support System
Build a support system of friends and family who respect your relationship.
50. Renew Your Commitment Regularly
Regularly renew your commitment to each other and your marriage.
Can You Get Back Together After Separation?
Reconciling after some time apart is possible and even common for couples. The space from separation can be incredibly beneficial, allowing growth, reflection, and renewal. You may seek therapy for yourself or your partner during your separation.
Discussing each other’s experiences during the time apart, along with expectations for the future, and openly addressing any emotional hurt are all key steps in mending the relationship. As couples think about getting back together, setting new rules for communication, managing finances, and dividing household duties can help avoid the same old conflicts.
Rebuilding a relationship after separation is a process and doesn’t happen in a few days. Allowing yourself the time and space you need while healing and understanding your relationship better.
FAQ: Rekindling Your Marriage After Separation
Is it common for couples to reconcile after a separation?
Yes, it's pretty standard for couples to reconcile after a separation. A time of reflection is much needed in some relationships and marriages.
What are the first steps to take if we want to start reconciling?
The first step towards reconciliation is open communication. Discuss your feelings, the changes you've both undergone, and what you've learned during the separation. The first step is investing time in your marriage with marriage or couples counseling.
How can we rebuild trust after a separation?
Rebuilding trust takes time and effort. Transparency and honesty are your best friends.
Should we live together immediately after deciding to reconcile?
It's often wise to take things slowly. It’s suggested to take things slow by “dating” again, meaning meeting up as you would during the dating period before jumping back to living together.
How do we handle unresolved issues from before the separation?
Addressing unresolved issues, discussing these issues openly without blame, and trying to understand each other’s perspectives. Counseling can provide the space to do this.
Can separation strengthen a marriage?
The period apart is a time for self-growth and self-reflection. Many marriages are strengthened with the added benefit of taking time apart.
What changes should we make to avoid future separations?
Identify the root causes of your previous issues and work on them actively. Counseling is an excellent way to dive deep while remaining objective and solutions-focused while you and your partner work through these underlying barriers and issues. This might involve changing communication styles, adjusting how you handle conflicts, or redefining expectations.
How do we deal with external opinions about our decision to reconcile?
Focus on what’s best for your relationship, not external opinions from friends, family, and co-workers. Your decision is yours and yours alone (along with your partner), but ultimately, it is your choice.
What if one partner is more committed to the reconciliation than the other?
Reconciliation works best when both partners are equally committed. If there's a disparity, figure it out and see what the roadblock is and if it’s fixable or not.
How can we maintain the momentum of reconciliation?
Maintain the momentum by continuously investing in your relationship. Regular date nights, ongoing communication, and counseling are all ways to keep up with rekindling.
Get Started with Couples Counseling for Separation
Starting couples counseling can be a significant step toward healing and strengthening your relationship, especially after separation. It offers a supportive space where you and your partner can openly discuss your feelings, communicate more effectively, and work through unresolved issues under the guidance of an experienced therapist. Couples counseling can be a helpful resource during a separation. It gives you and your partner a safe place to discuss your feelings and resolve any unresolved issues openly. You can gain clarity, rebuild trust, and lay the groundwork for a healthier relationship by addressing challenges together. Whether focused on resolving specific conflicts or improving communication, counseling offers support tailored to your needs. It’s a step toward understanding each other better and finding a way forward, no matter what that looks like for your relationship.
