ADHD and Dating: What to Know

Dating Someone with ADHD: What to Expect in the Early Stages

So, you’ve been dating someone with ADHD for a few weeks, and you’re wondering… What’s going on here?

One minute, they’re all in—planning fun, exciting dates, showering you with attention, and making you feel like the center of their world. The next? Days go by with barely a text, plans feel super last-minute, and you’re left wondering, Do they actually like me, or am I just overthinking?

First off, you’re not overreacting, and you’re definitely not alone. Dating someone with ADHD, especially early on, can feel like a mix of magic and confusion. It’s full of spontaneity, deep conversations, and moments that feel like a rom-com—but it can also be unpredictable, inconsistent, and, well… frustrating.

If you’re feeling excited and a little exhausted, let’s talk about what’s really going on.

The ADHD Honeymoon Phase: When You’re Their Favorite Thing Ever

People with ADHD often hyperfocus on what excites them—and if they’re really into you, that means you might be their new favorite person.

• They want to spend hours with you, going on long, adventurous dates or deep late-night talks.

• They’re super affectionate, giving tons of compliments and sweet gestures.

• They make you feel like they see you in a way no one else has.

It’s fun, exciting, and full of energy—until suddenly, it’s not.

The Shift: When You Start Feeling Invisible

At some point, their ADHD brain moves on to the next thing grabbing their attention—not because they want to ignore you, but because that’s just how their brain works. And that’s when things start to feel a little off.

• Texting slows down – They used to text all the time, but now? You’re lucky to get a response in a day.

• Plans become last-minute – They still want to see you, but they struggle to plan ahead.

• You start wondering if they even like you – When you’re together, everything feels great… but when you’re apart, it’s like you don’t exist.

If you have an anxious attachment style, this shift can feel really unsettling. When someone goes from giving you all their attention to being harder to reach, it’s natural to feel like something’s wrong. But here’s the truth: this is just how ADHD works—it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re losing interest.

Are They Just Bad at Texting, or Not That Into You?

This is the big question, right? Is their inconsistency just part of ADHD, or are they just not putting in the effort?

Here’s how to tell the difference:

Signs It’s ADHD (and They Do Like You)

✅ They always show up for dates, even if they plan last-minute.
✅ When you’re together, they’re affectionate and seem genuinely happy.
✅ They tell you they like you—but they struggle with follow-through outside of dates.
✅ They’re consistent in person, even if their texting is all over the place.

Signs They’re Just Not That Into It

🚩 They cancel plans a lot, make excuses, or never initiate dates.
🚩 You feel like you’re always the one reaching out.
🚩 When you’re together, they seem distracted or emotionally distant.
🚩 They don’t try to reassure you or make an effort to make you feel secure.

ADHD can make someone forget to text, struggle with planning, or get distracted—but if they really like you, you’ll still feel wanted and valued in the ways that matter most.

How to Navigate Dating Someone with ADHD

If you’re in the early stages of dating someone with ADHD, here are a few ways to make things easier on you (because you deserve that, too!):

1. Don’t Take It Personally

Their inconsistent texting? Forgetting little details? Last-minute plans? It’s not about you. Their brain just works differently, and they don’t mean to make you feel unseen. They might genuinely think about you often but just… forget to send the text.

2. Be Direct About What You Need

People with ADHD aren’t great at reading between the lines. If you need more consistency, let them know! Something like:

"Hey, I love spending time with you, but when I don’t hear from you for a while, I start overthinking. Can we check in more regularly?"

No games. No passive-aggressive hints. Just clear, kind communication.

3. Set Boundaries for Yourself

If last-minute plans make you feel unimportant, you don’t have to say yes every time. If their texting habits make you anxious, decide how often you want to engage. If they care, they’ll try to meet you halfway. And if they don’t? That tells you everything.

4. Decide If This Works for You

ADHD relationships can be fun, exciting, and deeply loving, but they can also be challenging, unpredictable, and draining. If you need structure, routine, and consistent emotional support, this dynamic might not be the best fit for you.

And that’s okay.

Final Thoughts: Should You Keep Dating Them?

At the end of the day, the real question isn’t “Is this ADHD?”—it’s “Does this relationship make me feel good?”

If the fun, exciting moments outweigh the frustration—and they’re willing to communicate and grow with you—it could be worth seeing where things go. But if you’re already feeling drained six weeks in, that’s a sign, too.

Dating should feel good. It shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly questioning your worth.

So, take a deep breath, check in with yourself, and ask:
"Do I feel happy here?"

If the answer is yes, enjoy the ride! If the answer is no, you already know what to do. ❤️