ADHD Masking in Women vs. Men: Why It Looks Different and Why It Matters

Mar 19

Written By A G

If you have ADHD, or love someone who does, you’ve probably heard the term masking—but what does it really mean?

ADHD masking is when someone hides or suppresses their ADHD traits to fit in, meet expectations, or avoid judgment. It’s like putting on a performance every day—pretending to be more organized than you are, forcing yourself to sit still when your body really wants to move, or over-preparing just to keep up with everyone else.

And here’s the thing: everyone with ADHD masks sometimes. But for women, it often looks very different than it does for men—and that difference is a big reason why so many women go undiagnosed for years, sometimes even decades.

So, let’s talk about why ADHD masking happens, how it shows up differently in women and men, and how to unmask in a way that feels safe and freeing.

And just so we’re clear—this is a judgment-free space. If you’ve been masking for years, there’s nothing wrong with you. You did what you had to do to navigate the world, and you’ve been doing your best. This is just about understanding yourself better, so you can start supporting your brain in a way that actually works for you.

What Is ADHD Masking?

ADHD masking is when you hide your ADHD traits—whether consciously or unconsciously—to blend in or avoid criticism.

Masking can look like:

Suppressing hyperactivity—forcing yourself to sit still when your body wants to move.
Forcing yourself to focus—even when your brain is pulling in a hundred different directions.
Overcompensating—trying to be extra organized, extra prepared, or extra perfect to make up for feeling scattered.
Mimicking neurotypical behaviors—studying how others act so you can blend in.

Most of the time, masking isn’t even a choice. It starts young—often in response to feedback like:

“Why can’t you just pay attention like everyone else?”
“You’re so sensitive—stop overreacting.”
“You need to try harder.”

Over time, masking becomes second nature. And while it can help people fit in, it’s also exhausting. Constantly pretending to have it all together can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even feeling disconnected from who you really are.

How ADHD Masking Looks Different in Women vs. Men

ADHD has long been thought of as a "boy’s condition" because, for years, research mainly focused on young boys who were hyperactive, impulsive, and disruptive in school. But ADHD isn’t just about bouncing off the walls—it also affects attention, emotions, and executive functioning, and those challenges can look very different in girls and women.

Because of societal expectations, women are more likely to:

Suppress their symptoms to avoid standing out.
Overcompensate with perfectionism.
Develop coping strategies that make their struggles less visible.

And that’s why so many women don’t get diagnosed until adulthood—they’ve spent years hiding their symptoms so well that even they don’t recognize them as ADHD.

Here’s how masking tends to show up differently in women vs. men:

1. Hyperactivity vs. Internal Restlessness

Men with ADHD are more likely to be physically hyperactive—moving constantly, interrupting conversations, fidgeting, and blurting things out.
Women with ADHD often internalize their hyperactivity—they feel restless but don’t act on it because they’ve learned to hold it in.

So instead of being visibly hyperactive, a woman with ADHD might:
✔️ Tap her foot under the table.
✔️ Bite her nails or pick at her skin.
✔️ Daydream constantly.
✔️ Feel anxious or fidgety inside, even if she looks calm.

She’s still hyperactive—it just doesn’t look the way people expect ADHD to look.

2. Social Expectations and People-Pleasing

Men with ADHD may struggle socially but are often given more leeway for being impulsive, blunt, or loud.
Women with ADHD are expected to be polite, agreeable, and socially aware—so they become expert people-pleasers.

Masking in social situations can look like:
✔️ Over-apologizing.
✔️ Trying to “read the room” constantly and adjusting behavior to fit in.
✔️ Scripting conversations in their head before speaking.
✔️ Being overly agreeable to avoid conflict or rejection.

For many women, masking socially is a survival tool. But it often leads to losing a sense of identity because they’ve spent so much time adapting to what others expect.

3. Emotional Regulation and Sensitivity

Men with ADHD might be more outwardly expressive—getting frustrated, acting impulsively, or showing anger.
Women with ADHD tend to internalize emotions, leading to:
- Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)—feeling intense emotional pain over small perceived rejections.
- Overanalyzing social interactions—constantly wondering if they upset someone.
- Bottling up emotions—until they hit a breaking point.

Women with ADHD are often labeled “too sensitive” or “dramatic”, when in reality, they’re just feeling emotions more intensely than they can express.

4. Perfectionism and Overcompensating

Men with ADHD often embrace risk-taking and impulsivity. If they mess up, they move on.
Women with ADHD tend to overcompensate by trying to be perfect.

Because they don’t want to be seen as lazy or disorganized, they:
✔️ Over-prepare for everything.
✔️ Double- and triple-check their work.
✔️ Put a ton of energy into appearing “put together.”

This is mentally and emotionally exhausting, and for many women, it leads to burnout, anxiety, and imposter syndrome.

5. Late Diagnosis and Misdiagnosis

Since ADHD looks so different in women, it’s often missed entirely or misdiagnosed as:
Anxiety
Depression
Mood disorders

Many women don’t realize they have ADHD until adulthood—often when they hit a major life change (college, a new job, becoming a parent) and suddenly, their old coping strategies stop working.

They might spend years feeling like they’re lazy, failing, or not trying hard enough, when really, they just have ADHD that was never recognized.

How to Unmask and Embrace Your ADHD

If you’ve been masking for years, it might feel scary to let go—but you don’t have to do it all at once. Here are some ways to start embracing your ADHD in a way that feels safe:

✔ Notice when you’re masking. Pay attention to the moments you feel like you have to "perform" instead of just being yourself.
✔ Give yourself permission to be imperfect. You don’t have to overcompensate to be valuable.
✔ Set boundaries. If social situations or certain expectations drain you, it’s okay to step back.
✔ Find your community. Connecting with other ADHDers—especially women—can be life-changing.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone in This

ADHD doesn’t look the same in everyone, and women often mask more, struggle with emotional regulation, and get diagnosed much later—but that doesn’t mean their ADHD is any less real.

If this post resonated with you, just know: you’re not broken, lazy, or failing. You’re just someone whose brain works differently, and that’s okay.

Recognizing masking is the first step toward understanding yourself better, and learning how to support yourself in a way that actually works for you—not just for the expectations the world has placed on you.

A G