AuDHD in Women and Girls: The Overlapping Worlds of ADHD and Autism

Apr 3

Written By A G

Ever felt like ADHD describes you perfectly—except for the parts that don’t? Or maybe you relate to autism, but something doesn’t quite fit? If you’ve ever wondered if you could have both, you’re not alone. And if no one ever explained to you how ADHD and autism can overlap, especially in women and girls, well… that’s not surprising either.

The truth is, research has massively overlooked how neurodivergence shows up in women. And even when ADHD or autism is diagnosed, so many women get stuck in a weird gray area where their symptoms don’t fully match either. That’s where AuDHD comes in—a term that’s not officially recognized in medical books but describes the experience of having both ADHD and autism.

ADHD in Women: The Version No One Talks About

When people hear “ADHD,” they usually think of the stereotypical hyperactive little boy who can’t sit still. But for women? ADHD often looks completely different. Instead of bouncing off the walls, you might:

Forget what you walked into a room for (ten times a day).
Get lost in your thoughts while someone’s talking to you.
Have a million ideas but struggle to actually start anything.
Feel like your brain is a browser with 57 open tabs—one of which is playing music you can’t find.
Lose things constantly. Like, your keys. Your phone. Your entire sense of time.

Sound familiar? That’s because women tend to have more inattentive ADHD, meaning the symptoms are often internal and easy to miss. Instead of bouncing off the walls, you’re bouncing around in your head.

Another thing women with ADHD are really good at? Masking. That means forcing yourself to appear “put together” even when you’re struggling. You might create elaborate to-do lists to seem organized, overprepare for social situations, or try to hide how exhausted you feel. Over time, this can lead to burnout, anxiety, and feeling like you’re constantly failing at things that seem easy for everyone else.

ADHD and Mental Health

A lot of women don’t get diagnosed with ADHD because their symptoms are brushed off as anxiety or depression. And sure, those can definitely show up alongside ADHD, but if therapy and coping strategies never quite fix the root issue, it might be because ADHD is running the show.

And then there’s hormones. Did you know estrogen affects dopamine, which is a big deal for ADHD brains? That’s why ADHD symptoms often feel worse during PMS, pregnancy, postpartum, and menopause. If you’ve ever felt like your brain just stopped working at certain points in your cycle, you’re not imagining it.

Okay, so that’s ADHD. But what happens when you mix in autism?

What is AuDHD?

AuDHD (autism + ADHD) is a term people started using to describe the huge overlap between the two conditions. And it makes sense—ADHD and autism were once thought to be opposites, but now we know they can totally exist together.

Here’s where things get tricky: ADHD and autism can create contradictory traits in the same person. For example:

ADHD wants novelty—shiny new hobbies, spontaneous adventures, all the fun.
Autism wants routine—predictability, stability, knowing what to expect.
ADHD is impulsive—blurting things out, interrupting, jumping into action.
Autism is cautious—pausing to think, processing slowly, needing time to adjust.

So if you’ve ever felt like two completely different people battling inside the same brain? Yeah. That’s AuDHD in action.

How AuDHD Shows Up in Women & Girls

Since both ADHD and autism tend to be overlooked in women, it makes sense that AuDHD would fly under the radar, too. But here are some common ways it might show up:

Masking on Overdrive: You might study social interactions like a script, mimicking others to fit in. People may say you seem “normal,” but inside, you feel exhausted from keeping up the act.
Distractibility + Hyperfocus: You forget where you put your phone, but you can also deep-dive into a random topic for six straight hours without blinking.
Emotional Sensitivity: Rejection feels physically painful sometimes, and criticism (even mild) can send you spiraling. This is called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), and it’s a very real struggle.
Sensory Issues: Tags in clothing? Absolutely not. Loud noises? Make it stop. Overhead lights? Why are they like this?
The “Routine vs. Chaos” Battle: Part of you craves structure, but ADHD makes sticking to routines nearly impossible. The struggle is real.
Social Challenges: Maybe you love people but struggle with how to connect. Or maybe you’ve always felt like an outsider, even when surrounded by friends.

If any of this sounds like you, you’re not making it up—and you’re definitely not alone.

Why Women with AuDHD Go Undiagnosed

Here’s the frustrating part: the medical system wasn’t built to recognize neurodivergence in women. Until 2013, you actually couldn’t be diagnosed with both ADHD and autism at the same time! That means most doctors were never trained to spot the overlap.

Some of the biggest barriers to diagnosis include:

ADHD and autism were seen as “boy problems.” Girls were just expected to be shy, daydreamy, or “quirky.”
Symptoms contradict each other. If you’re social and talkative, doctors might rule out autism. If you like structure, they might rule out ADHD.
Long waitlists and lack of specialists. Even if you do seek a diagnosis, it can take years.

For many women, self-diagnosis and learning from other neurodivergent people are what finally make everything click. And honestly? That’s just as valid.

What to Do If You Think You Have AuDHD

If you’re nodding along to all of this, here’s what you can do next:

Learn more. Books, podcasts, and online communities can be eye-opening.
Find a neurodivergent-affirming professional. Not all doctors “get” AuDHD, so finding someone who does can make a huge difference.
Explore coping strategies. Whether it’s medication, therapy, or lifestyle changes, there are ways to make your life easier.
Connect with others. Talking to people who get it can be life-changing.

And most importantly? Be kind to yourself.

If you’ve spent your whole life wondering why everything feels harder for you, it’s not because you’re lazy, broken, or “bad at life.” You’ve been playing on hard mode without even knowing it. Recognizing AuDHD in yourself isn’t about putting a label on you—it’s about understanding yourself better so you can build a life that actually works for you.

You’re not alone, and you deserve support.

So, friend, if this resonates, take a deep breath. You’re okay. And you’re finally figuring things out. 💜

A G