Do Narcissists Have Real Friends? A Look at Their Social Circles and Connections

Jan 9

Written By A G

Friendship thrives on trust, empathy, and mutual respect. However, when it comes to narcissists, connections can look different or distorted. Narcissists have a different way of handing friendships and what a friend means to them might not be your traditional way of viewing friendships as it might look warped to you. Here we’ll talk about how narcissits can view their friends and the ways friendships might look to someone with narcissistic traits or diagnosed with this personality disorder.

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A Narcissists Definition of Friendship

For most folks, friendship means:

Mutual support and care.
Emotional connection and vulnerability.
Reciprocity in giving and receiving.

Narcissists, however, often view friendships through a different lens. Rather than seeing relationships as a two-way street, they focus on how others can benefit or serve their needs.

Why Do Narcissists Struggle with Real Friendships?

1. Lack of Empathy

One of the defining traits of narcissism is a lack of empathy. For a narcissist, putting themselves in someone else’s shoes isn’t easy, and it isn’t the way they view the world. It lacks empathy at its core and is demonstrated with action.

2. Self-Centered Focus

Narcissists are often preoccupied with what they want and what they desire, if you don’t fit their mold, you’ll be ousted as it doesn’t fit their ideal friend.

3. Difficulty with Vulnerability

Friendships thrive on authenticity and vulnerability. A narcissist doesn’t want you to know the real them and they hide behind a mask making it hard to ever be real with anyone and no one see them for who they truly are.

4. Transactional Approach

For many narcissists, friendships are more about utility than connection. They may gravitate toward people who:

Boost their social status.
Provide resources or favors.
Offer unwavering admiration or validation.

What Do Narcissists’ Friendships Look Like?

While narcissists may appear to have friends, their friendships aren’t connected or authentic.

1. Superficial Connections

Narcissists often maintain surface-level relationships that revolve around social activities, appearances, or shared interests. These connections rarely involve emotional intimacy or deep trust.

2. One-Sided Relationships

In friendships with narcissists, the giving often feels one-sided. They may expect their friends to provide constant support, attention, or favors without offering much in return.

3. Frequent Turnover

Narcissists’ friendships tend to have a high turnover rate. Once a friend no longer serves their needs or challenges their behavior, the narcissist may discard them without much thought.

4. Social Dominance

Narcissists often seek to dominate their social circles. They may manipulate group dynamics to maintain control or ensure that they are the center of attention.

Do Narcissists Have Long-Term Friends?

Is it true that narcissists only have short-term friendships, or do they have longer friendships too? The answer varies and depends on the person, but mostly, the types of friends they have are like below:

Friends Who Enable Them: Friends that stay long-term could have a harder time with boundaries or saying no, enabling them.
Friends Who Stay Detached: Some people maintain friendships with narcissists by keeping the relationship light and avoiding emotional depth.
Friends Who See the Narcissist’s Vulnerability: Another example is someone aware they are a narcissist and can see past the exterior/mask.

What Happens When a Narcissist Loses Friends?

Narcissists rarely take responsibility for losing friendships. Instead, they may:

Blame others for the fallout, accusing them of being jealous, disloyal, or unreasonable.
Dismiss the friendship as unimportant, minimizing its significance to protect their ego.
Quickly replace lost friends with new connections that meet their current needs.

How to Handle a Friendship with a Narcissist

Maintaining a friendship with a narcissist can be draining but possible if you know what to expect. Here are some examples of ways to go into it and how to handle a friendship with a narcissist.

1. Set Boundaries

Clearly define what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate. For example, limit how much time or energy you’re willing to give if the relationship feels one-sided.

2. Manage Expectations

Understand the limitations of the friendship. Accept that a narcissist may not provide the emotional depth or reciprocity you’d expect from others.

3. Avoid Feeding Their Ego

While it’s natural to want to support your friends, avoid excessive praise or validation that reinforces the narcissist’s sense of superiority.

4. Focus on Your Needs

Don’t neglect your own well-being.

5. Consider Distance

If the friendship becomes too toxic or draining, taking a step back is okay.

Are Narcissists Capable of Change?

The first step to change is the awareness that you need to change, which can be hard for a narcissist to accept, if they do accept and recognize their flaws, change can happen, here are some examples:

Recognize the impact of their behavior on others.
Develop empathy and emotional awareness.
Build healthier, more reciprocal relationships.

However, change is a challenging process, and not all narcissists are willing to engage in this work.

Final Thoughts: Do Narcissists Have Real Friends?

Narcissists may appear to have many friends, but these relationships often lack the emotional depth and mutual care that define genuine friendships. Their connections are frequently superficial, one-sided, or transactional, leaving those around them feeling unfulfilled or used.

If you’re navigating a friendship with a narcissist, it’s important to set boundaries, manage your expectations, and prioritize your own well-being. While it’s possible to maintain a relationship with a narcissist, doing so requires emotional resilience and a clear understanding of their limitations.

Friendship, like any relationship, should be a source of support and connection. By recognizing the dynamics of narcissistic friendships, you can make informed decisions about how to engage with these complex personalities. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and seeking couples counseling, reach out today or learn more about the counseling services we offer.