Holiday Budgeting as a Couple: Avoiding Money Fights This Season
The holidays can be stressful when they are supposed to be filled with excitement and holiday cheer. Instead of drinking hot chocolate and snuggling on the couch, you may find yourself arguing with your partner about why they spent so much on gifts for co-workers or deciding if you’re spending the extra money on plane tickets to visit relatives. Whichever it is, this can lead to stress, and stress can lead to arguments.
The good news? Holiday budgeting doesn’t have to be stressful. With the proper communication and getting on the same page as your partner, set realistic budgeting goals. Here is a step-by-step guide to help you communicate when discussing your finances this holiday season.
Why the Holidays Can Lead to Financial Tension
The holidays are full of expectations—both real and perceived. There is usually a strain on a couple from relatives, travel, money, and societal expectations. There is an expectation, whether that is how much you spend on gifts, whether you give gifts, whose house you will celebrate at, and the list goes on. Here are a few other reasons that holidays can lead to financial stress:
Unclear Priorities: One partner may prioritize gifts for family, while the other focuses on hosting the perfect party.
Unexpected Expenses: Travel costs, last-minute shopping, or surprise events can add up quickly.
Unequal Contributions: If one partner feels they’re covering too much of the spending, resentment can build.
Miscommunication: Failing to discuss budgets or expectations often leads to misunderstandings and conflict.
Understanding these common triggers is the first step toward building a plan that works for both of you.
Step 1: Get on the Same Page Financially
Before you start spending, have a discussion with your partner about what to spend money on this holiday season. Here are some areas for discussion:
Your Current Financial Situation: Be honest about income, savings, and debts. Knowing where you stand will help set realistic limits.
Shared Holiday Priorities: What matters most to you both during the holidays? Is it travel, meaningful gifts, charity, or hosting?
Spending Boundaries: Agree on a total holiday budget that feels comfortable for both of you.
Tip: Treat this discussion as a partnership. Use phrases like “What do you think?” or “How can we make this work?” to keep the tone collaborative.
Step 2: Create a Holiday Budget Together
Now that you’ve gathered what your priorities are, it is time to set a specific budget. Use the guide below to create this and try to be realistic.
Holiday Budget Categories to Include
Gifts: For family, friends, coworkers, or each other.
Travel: Flights, gas, hotels, and meals during trips.
Holiday Meals & Hosting: Food, drinks, and decorations for parties or gatherings.
Entertainment: Tickets to events, shows, or experiences.
Decorations: Lights, wreaths, trees, and festive additions for your home.
Charitable Giving: Donations or giving back to causes you care about.
Assign realistic amounts to each category. For example:
Gifts: $1000
Travel: $300
Hosting: $200
Couples Tip: Keep yourself organized by using Google notes or writing down the goals and posting them on your fridge.
Step 3: Agree on Gift-Giving Expectations
Gifts are a big part of the holiday season but can also lead to tension if you’re not aligned. Discuss expectations about:
Who You’re Buying For: Are you gifting only immediate family, or will you include extended relatives, friends, or coworkers?
Gift Limits: Agree on a spending cap for each gift (e.g., $50 per person) to avoid overspending.
Gifts for Each Other: Will you exchange gifts as a couple? If so, set a mutual spending limit.
If money is tight, consider alternative ways to show love:
Handmade gifts (baked goods, art, DIY projects).
A thrifted book or from your local bookshop.
Shared experiences (movie marathons, hikes, or holiday picnics).
Gift-giving is when the thought counts and spending a lot of money doesn’t have to be a part of this. You can find low-cost ways to make your holiday special for each other or with friends, family, and co-workers.
Step 4: Set Boundaries with Family and Friends
Family can cause tension between couples as they have their own expectations and setting boundaries can help your communication and stress with your partner. You may say things like…
“We’d love to join the family trip this year, but we’re focused on saving, so we’ll celebrate from home.”
“We’re keeping things simple with gifts this year—just for immediate family!”
Most people will understand. It’s better to set clear boundaries than to overextend yourself financially and regret it later.
Step 5: Track Your Spending in Real Time
A budget is only helpful if you stick to it. Regularly check your spending as a couple throughout the holiday season to see where you stand.
Weekly Check-Ins: Set aside 10 minutes each week to review your progress.
Keep Each Other Informed: If you spend extra money that isn’t in your budget, let your partner know so that this cannot be a secret.
If you notice you’re overspending in one category, find ways to cut back elsewhere.
Step 6: Plan for Post-Holiday Financial Recovery
Make future financial goals. Finances can be a source of contention with couples. Holiday budgeting is a way to discuss finances, but don’t stop there. Continue to the New Year and prioritize discussing New Year’s goals with your partner.
Set January Spending Goals: Agree to a “no-spend month” or a savings challenge to recover.
Pay Off Holiday Debts Quickly: If you used credit cards, prioritize paying them down to avoid high interest.
Start a Holiday Fund for Next Year: Open a savings account specifically for holiday spending and contribute a small amount each month throughout the year.
What to Do if You Disagree
Even with the best intentions, disagreements about money can happen. If tensions rise, remember:
Take a Break: Step away, breathe, and revisit the conversation when emotions are calmer.
Focus on Solutions, Not Blame: Instead of arguing over who spent what, focus on how to move forward together.
Practice Empathy: Understand each other’s feelings around money—stress, guilt, or pressure.
Seek Counseling: If financial fights are recurring, consider speaking with a couples counselor or a financial advisor (or both)!
Fun and Affordable Holiday Ideas for Couples
Sticking to a budget doesn’t mean sacrificing fun. Here are a few low-cost date ideas to enjoy together:
Holiday Movie Night: Pick your favorite movies, make popcorn, and cozy up at home.
DIY Gift Exchange: Challenge each other to create a heartfelt, handmade gift.
Attend Free Local Events: Look for light displays, holiday parades, or community concerts.
Bake Together: Spend an evening baking cookies, cakes, or festive treats.
Explore Holiday Markets: Sip cocoa and walk with your significant other while browsing holiday markets.
Still not on the same page with budgeting? Schedule a Couples Counseling Session Today
The holidays should bring joy, not financial stress. If you’re still not on the same page with finances, couples counseling can help you get there. Couples can fight about money more often than you may think. Contact us today to schedule your session. Have a great holiday! 🎄
