How Infertility Affects Relationships & How Couples Therapy Can Help
The Strain Infertility Puts on Relationships
Infertility isn’t just a medical diagnosis—it’s an emotional journey that impacts every part of life, including your relationship with your partner. For many couples, trying to conceive starts as something exciting, full of hope and possibility. But as months or years pass with negative pregnancy tests, failed treatments, or pregnancy loss, the emotional weight can start to change the way partners communicate, connect, and support each other.
Infertility is stressful, exhausting, and unpredictable. And when you’re dealing with intense emotions like grief, frustration, anxiety, and fear about the future, it’s easy for those feelings to spill over into your relationship. Some couples grow closer through the experience, but many find themselves feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or even resentful of each other.
The good news? You don’t have to navigate this alone. Couples therapy can be a powerful tool to help you stay connected, communicate better, and strengthen your relationship while going through infertility.
Common Ways Infertility Affects Couples
1. You and Your Partner Process the Stress Differently
Infertility affects both partners, but not always in the same way.
One person may feel overwhelmed with grief and want to talk about it constantly, while the other may shut down emotionally or try to focus on solutions instead of feelings.
This can lead to:
One partner feeling unsupported because the other isn’t as emotionally expressive.
Misunderstandings about whether infertility is affecting one person “more” than the other.
Arguments about how to handle the situation—whether to keep trying, take a break, or explore new options.
Couples therapy can help you understand how each of you processes emotions differently and teach you ways to support each other, even if you cope in opposite ways.
2. Communication Becomes More Difficult (or Nonexistent)
Infertility is emotionally exhausting, and when stress levels are high, communication often suffers.
Some couples stop talking about it altogether because they’re afraid of upsetting each other. Others find themselves having the same painful conversations over and over, without ever feeling heard or understood.
This can lead to:
Avoiding conversations about treatment decisions, finances, or next steps.
Frequent arguments, often about seemingly small things.
Feeling like you’re going through this alone, even though you’re in it together.
A therapist can help you both feel heard, break out of unhealthy communication patterns, and create space for open, honest conversations.
3. Intimacy Starts to Feel Like a Task
Infertility often puts strain on a couple’s sex life. What was once an expression of love and connection can start to feel like a medical procedure on a strict schedule.
You may find that:
Sex becomes purely about timing and ovulation, rather than enjoyment.
One or both partners start avoiding intimacy because it feels stressful or disappointing.
There’s an emotional disconnect between physical closeness and the emotional weight of infertility.
Therapy can help rebuild intimacy beyond just conception and strengthen emotional closeness between partners.
4. Differences in Coping Can Lead to Resentment
One of the biggest relationship challenges with infertility is that each partner experiences it in their own way. Some people feel emotionally crushed by every failed cycle, while others try to push forward without letting themselves fully feel the grief.
This can cause resentment when:
One partner seems “too hopeful” while the other is preparing for the worst.
One person wants to keep trying treatments while the other is feeling emotionally exhausted.
One partner feels like they’re carrying the emotional burden while the other isn’t fully engaging.
In therapy, couples can learn to understand each other’s grief responses and support each other without judgment.
How Couples Therapy Can Help During Infertility
Couples therapy isn’t just for relationships that are struggling—it’s for any couple that wants to strengthen their connection, improve communication, and navigate infertility as a team.
Creating a Safe Space for Honest Conversations
Infertility is an emotional minefield, and many couples avoid conversations because they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing or hurting each other.
A therapist provides a neutral, supportive space where both partners can:
Express their fears, frustrations, and emotions without being judged.
Learn tools to communicate more effectively, even in stressful moments.
Discuss difficult topics—like when to stop treatments or explore other options—in a way that respects both perspectives.
Helping Couples Process Grief Together
Infertility involves a lot of loss—the loss of a hoped-for pregnancy, the loss of expectations, and sometimes even the loss of control over your own body and future.
Couples therapy can help both partners:
Acknowledge and process the grief they’re experiencing.
Find healthy ways to support each other through pain and disappointment.
Avoid unspoken resentment that can build over time.
Grief doesn’t have to be handled alone, and therapy gives couples the tools to walk through it together, rather than apart.
Guiding Decision-Making as a Team
Deciding what to do next—whether to continue treatments, consider third-party reproduction, or explore adoption—can feel overwhelming.
Therapy helps couples:
Understand each other’s values and emotions around different fertility options.
Have structured, productive discussions about big decisions.
Find common ground even when they see things differently.
Having these conversations with a therapist can make decision-making less stressful and more collaborative.
Rebuilding Intimacy and Connection
Therapy helps couples bring intimacy back into their relationship by:
Separating intimacy from fertility pressures so that physical closeness feels natural again.
Addressing any emotional barriers that have led to avoidance.
Helping partners reconnect beyond infertility, so the relationship stays strong no matter what happens.
When to Consider Couples Therapy for Infertility
If you’re unsure whether therapy would help, ask yourself:
Do we struggle to talk about infertility without arguing or shutting down?
Do we feel disconnected or emotionally distant from each other?
Do we disagree about how to move forward?
Has infertility affected our intimacy and physical connection?
Do we feel like we’re handling this alone, even though we’re in it together?
If you answered “yes” to any of these, therapy could provide a space to process your emotions, improve your relationship, and navigate infertility as a team.
Finding Support Through Sagebrush Counseling
Infertility is hard on relationships, but you don’t have to go through this alone. Couples therapy can help you and your partner communicate better, strengthen your connection, and make fertility decisions together with clarity and support.
At Sagebrush Counseling, we specialize in infertility counseling for couples, providing a compassionate space to navigate the emotional challenges of trying to conceive.
If infertility has impacted your relationship, reach out today to schedule a session. You deserve support—not just as individuals, but as a couple.
