How to Make Friends in a New City: Finding Your Community
Making friends as a grown-up is weirdly hard. When you were a kid, you could bond over crayons or cafeteria snacks. In college, your roommate became your built-in bestie. But now? In your 30s or 40s? Making friends can feel like dating—with fewer apps and even more awkward texting.
And if you’ve just moved to a new city? It’s even more intimidating. You might find yourself asking:
Where do I even meet people now?
How do I make plans without feeling clingy?
What if everyone already has their group?
You’re not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong. Adult friendship just takes a little more intention. And the good news? Finding your people is possible, even if it takes time.
Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels So Dang Hard
There are a few big reasons friendship gets trickier the older we get:
1. Everyone’s in different life stages
Some friends are married, some are divorced, some are raising toddlers, others are going on solo vacations. It’s harder to find people in the exact same season—but that doesn’t mean connection isn’t possible.
2. Less built-in opportunities
Work-from-home setups, online shopping, and skipping the gym for YouTube yoga? All great. But also… fewer casual interactions. Adult life can be a bit siloed unless you go out of your way to meet people.
3. We’re more guarded
Let’s be real—we’ve all had friendship wounds. Ghosting, drifting, or being the only one putting in effort makes us cautious. We want depth, but we’re tired of chasing it.
4. There’s just less time
Between work, family, errands, and trying to get 7 hours of sleep, it’s no wonder friendship often falls to the bottom of the list.
And yet… we need it more than ever.
Why Adult Friendship Isn’t Just “Nice to Have”—It’s Vital
Friendship isn’t just a luxury. It’s essential for mental and emotional health.
Studies show that strong social connections:
Reduce stress and depression
Improve physical health and longevity
Boost happiness, meaning, and life satisfaction
Help us cope with major transitions (hello, moving!)
In other words: finding your people is a form of self-care.
Where to Look for New Friends (That Actually Works)
You don’t need to wait around hoping a friendship magically appears. Try some of these real-life options that work in your 30s, 40s, and beyond:
Shared Interest Groups
Yoga or fitness classes
Creative writing meetups
Gardening clubs or book clubs
Spiritual or meditation groups
Hobby workshops (pottery, painting, bird walks—whatever you love)
Pet-Related Places
Dog parks
Pet-friendly cafes
Training classes
(Pro tip: dogs are excellent icebreakers.)
Libraries & Community Centers
Check for:
Free events and lectures
Craft nights
Local history or poetry readings
Volunteer days
Cafes, Farmer’s Markets, or Local Events
Sometimes the best way to meet people is just… showing up where people gather. Bring a book, chat with vendors, or strike up conversation while waiting in line.
Helpful Websites & Apps for Making Friends
Yes, there’s an app for this! A few.
Bumble BFF
Like the dating app, but for friendships. Great if you’re looking for one-on-one hangouts.
Meetup.com
Find local groups for everything from hiking to board games to language exchange.
Atleto, Hey! VINA, Friender
More niche friend-finding apps geared toward specific interests or identities.
Eventbrite & Facebook Events
Search for local happenings and show up solo—you might meet someone else doing the same.
Making Friends When You’re Single (or in a Relationship)
Whether you’re flying solo or partnered up, friendship is still necessary and totally doable.
If you’re single:
You might crave more social time, but also feel weird showing up alone. Just remember—most people are grateful when someone breaks the ice. Start small. Ask questions. Be the person who invites someone out for coffee.
If you’re in a relationship:
Don’t forget that your partner can’t be everything. Adult friendships give you space to explore your own interests and be supported outside your relationship.
Tip: Try finding mutual couple friends and maintaining your own separate friendships, too.
What to Text in a New Friendship (Without Feeling Weird)
So you met someone cool. You vibed. You swapped numbers. Now what?
Texting tips to keep the friendship moving:
Start casual: “Hey! It was so great meeting you at book club. Want to grab a coffee sometime?”
Be specific: “I’m thinking of going to the [local event] this Saturday—any chance you’re around?”
Use voice memos or gifs: It keeps things fun and light.
Check in without pressure: “How’s your week going? Let me know if you ever want to hang out again!”
And if they don’t respond? It’s not always about you. Adult life is busy. Keep putting yourself out there.
Friendship Isn’t About Quantity—It’s About Connection
You don’t need a huge crew to feel like you belong. Even one or two real, soul-nourishing connections can change everything. And yes—it can feel awkward and slow at first. That’s okay.
Keep showing up. Keep inviting. Keep being a little braver than you feel.
And if you’re someone who struggles with social anxiety, friendship wounds, or just feeling like you’re “too late” to make new friends—therapy can be a great place to work through that. Sometimes the first step to making new connections is healing old hurts.
Need support as you navigate friendship struggles, loneliness, or starting over in a new city? At Sagebrush Counseling, I help people build connection and community in ways that feel real and nourishing. Whether you’re making friends for the first time in years or learning to trust people again, you don’t have to do it alone.
