When You’re Married, but Still Have Feelings for Someone Else
Why Having Feelings for Someone Else While Married Happens More Often Than You Think
First off, you’re not a terrible person for feeling this way. It happens. More than people admit. Marriage doesn’t turn off attraction. You’re human.
Maybe this person makes you feel seen in a way you haven’t in a while. Maybe it’s just fun, a little thrill that caught you off guard. Maybe your marriage feels routine, and this new connection feels exciting.
It’s not about beating yourself up. It’s about getting honest with yourself. Is this about them, or is it about something missing in your relationship? That’s what really matters.
Is It Just a Crush or Something Deeper?
Not every crush means something. Sometimes, it’s just a passing thought. Other times, it’s a sign of something deeper.
Ask yourself:
Would I feel this way if my marriage felt stronger?
Am I drawn to them, or just the way they make me feel?
If I take a step back, does this still feel important?
A crush fades when you stop feeding it. A real emotional connection lingers. If it’s not going away, it’s worth paying attention to.
Emotional Infidelity in Your Marriage
Not all betrayals are physical. Emotional cheating can hurt just as much. When you start sharing your deepest thoughts with someone else, it creates distance between you and your spouse.
It might look like:
Turning to them for support instead of your partner.
Keeping the relationship secret or downplaying it.
Comparing your spouse to them, wishing they were “more like this.”
Little by little, this kind of emotional bond chips away at your marriage. If this is happening, it’s time to pause and ask yourself what you really want.
Should You Tell Your Spouse?
This is tough. Do you bring it up, or keep it to yourself?
Telling them might help if:
You need to rebuild trust and transparency.
Your marriage is already struggling, and avoiding it will only make things worse.
You want to work through it together.
But if it was a fleeting thought, it might be better to process it privately. Not every attraction needs a confession, especially if it would only cause unnecessary hurt.
Be honest with yourself first. Are you keeping it to yourself because it’s truly nothing? Or because part of you doesn’t want to let it go?
How to Assess What’s Missing in Your Marriage
Sometimes, feelings for someone else aren’t about them at all. They’re about what’s missing in your relationship.
Ask yourself:
Do I feel connected to my partner?
Has our intimacy (emotional or physical) faded?
Do I feel seen, appreciated, or desired?
This isn’t about blaming anyone. It’s about getting real. If something’s missing, you have two choices: ignore it and let the gap grow, or work on it together.
Can You Move Past These Feelings?
Attraction outside of marriage doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage. If you want to stay committed, redirect your energy to your partner.
Here’s where to start:
What’s really pulling you in?
Put effort back into your marriage. Go on dates, be more affectionate, bring back the connection.
Create excitement together. If you’re craving newness, bring that into your relationship instead of looking elsewhere.
Set boundaries. If this person is becoming too much of a temptation, step back.
Feelings are feelings. Commitment is what you choose.
When to Seek Therapy
If you feel confused, or guilty, therapy can help. Talking to someone can give you clarity without judgment.
Consider therapy if:
You’re emotionally torn between your marriage and someone else.
You want to work on your marriage but don’t know where to start.
You feel like you need help sorting through your emotions.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Sometimes, talking it out is the first step to finding peace.
Setting Boundaries with the Person You Have Feelings For
If you’re staying committed to your marriage, something has to change.
Some ways to set boundaries:
Limit deep conversations.
Avoid one-on-one time. If it’s making things harder, create space.
Check in with yourself. If you look forward to seeing them more than your spouse, it’s time to step back.
Choosing Your Path: Strengthening Your Marriage or Facing the Truth
At the end of the day, this is your decision. Do you want to recommit to your marriage, or is this showing you something deeper?
Ask yourself:
If I fully let go of this other person, could I still be happy in my marriage?
Am I staying because I want to, or because I’m afraid to leave?
Do I still see a future here?
No right or wrong answers—just what’s real for you. But whatever you decide, make sure it’s a choice that gives you peace, not regret.
