Platonic Marriage Instead of Divorce? Why Some Couples Are Choosing Friendship Over Separation
Not every relationship ends in yelling matches or someone walking out the door. Sometimes, it’s more like a quiet shift—a realization that the love is still there… just not in the romantic way it used to be.
You might still care deeply about your partner. Maybe you’re great co-parents. Maybe you’ve been through a lot together and can’t imagine life without each other. But when it comes to intimacy or passion? It’s just… not there.
If that hits home, you’re not alone. More couples than ever are rethinking what it means to “stay together,” and for some, that means exploring a platonic marriage instead of going straight to divorce.
Let’s talk about what that actually looks like—and how to know if it might work for you.
So… What Is a Platonic Marriage, Really?
A platonic marriage is exactly what it sounds like: a committed partnership without the romance or sexual connection. Instead of being built around physical intimacy, it’s built around friendship, shared values, emotional support, and daily life together.
Some couples sleep in separate bedrooms. Some share parenting responsibilities. Some even explore open relationships with clear communication. There’s no one “right” way to do it—it’s more about figuring out what works for both of you.
And for neurodivergent couples (especially where one or both partners are autistic or ADHD), this kind of structure can feel a lot safer and more manageable than traditional relationship norms.
Why Would Couples Choose This?
There are a lot of reasons couples choose to stay together in a platonic way. A few I hear in therapy all the time:
“We still love and respect each other, just not romantically.”
“We want to raise our kids together and keep the family stable.”
“We’re best friends—we just aren’t compatible sexually anymore.”
“We can’t afford two separate homes right now.”
“We function well together—we just don’t feel like spouses anymore.”
Sometimes, it’s just about letting go of the pressure to force something that isn’t working and finding peace in a different kind of connection.
Is This Just Settling?
Good question. And honestly, it depends on who you ask.
Some people couldn’t imagine a marriage without romance and sex. For others, emotional safety, companionship, and co-parenting are more important than passion. So no, it’s not necessarily settling—it’s about shifting the expectations of what your relationship needs to be.
If both people feel respected, supported, and clear on what this version of marriage looks like, then it’s not settling—it’s just evolving.
What About Intimacy?
Let’s clear this up: intimacy doesn’t always mean sex.
In a platonic marriage, intimacy might look like:
Laughing over morning coffee
Tag-teaming school drop-off
Supporting each other’s goals
Being the first person your partner calls when something big happens
For many couples, especially neurodivergent ones, intimacy is about safety, trust, and comfort—not necessarily physical touch or sexual connection.
And honestly, some couples are way more connected emotionally in a platonic setup than they ever were when they were trying to force chemistry that wasn’t there.
Could This Work for You?
Here are a few things to consider:
Do you still enjoy spending time together?
Do you trust and respect each other?
Are you aligned in your parenting, finances, or values?
Would redefining your relationship bring more peace than stress?
Are you both on the same page about this?
This isn’t a decision one person can make alone. If one of you wants out and the other is holding on, it’s going to be painful. But if you’re both open to redefining what togetherness looks like? That’s a powerful starting point.
What If One of Us Wants to Date Again?
Yep, this comes up. And the answer depends on your boundaries, communication, and whether you’re truly both okay with that possibility.
Some platonic couples open the door to dating others. Some don’t. Some agree to co-parent and cohabitate while also giving each other space to explore future romantic connections.
Again—there’s no rulebook here. It’s about trust, mutual consent, and clarity. Talking through your comfort zones (and your deal-breakers) is key.
How Therapy Can Help You Navigate This
Whether you’re totally on board with a platonic marriage or still figuring things out, therapy can give you a space to talk it all through—without pressure or judgment.
Some things we might work on in couples counseling:
How to talk about this shift in a way that feels safe
Grieving the loss of romance without guilt or shame
Setting boundaries and agreements that work for both of you
Exploring what intimacy and connection can look like now
Talking through open relationship ideas (if that’s on the table)
And if one or both of you are neurodivergent, we’ll also talk about how sensory needs, emotional regulation, and masking might be showing up in your relationship.
A Quick Reality Check
Not every couple will make it through this kind of transition. And that’s okay.
Some will start down the path of platonic marriage and eventually decide they need to separate after all. Others will find that friendship was always the strongest part of their relationship—and now they finally have permission to lean into it fully.
What matters is that you’re honest with yourselves and with each other.
You Get to Choose What “Marriage” Means to You
If you’re in a place where divorce doesn’t feel quite right—but staying married as things are feels exhausting—know this: there are other options.
Platonic marriage isn’t for everyone, but for some couples, it’s a meaningful, respectful, and loving way to stay connected without the pressure of pretending things are what they’re not.
You don’t have to have it all figured out. But if you're starting to wonder what else is possible… therapy can be a good place to start that conversation.
Thinking About Redefining Your Relationship?
I work with couples across Texas—including neurodivergent and non-traditional couples—who are ready to reimagine what staying together could look like. Whether you're exploring platonic partnership, co-parenting peacefully, or just trying to stop the cycle of resentment, I'm here to support you both.
