What to Do in a Sexless Marriage: Finding Your Way Back to Connection

What to Do in a Sexless Marriage (When You’re at the End of Your Rope)

Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get talked about enough: being in a marriage where sex is missing—not by choice, not because the spark faded naturally, but because one partner is struggling and refuses to talk about it.

If you're reading this and thinking, "That's me", I want you to know you're not the only one. You are not selfish for needing connection. You are not broken for wanting physical closeness. You are not wrong for feeling lonely in a relationship that’s supposed to be a safe place.

Here’s an example of quietly carrying when you don’t have a sex life with your partner:

"I’ve been in a marriage without physical intimacy for several years now—not by choice. My husband is dealing with personal struggles, but he refuses to get professional help or even talk about what’s going on. Divorce feels like the only path forward, yet I still love him deeply. I’m feeling stuck and would really appreciate any advice from others who’ve been in a similar situation."

If you relate to this, this blog is for you.

The Loneliness No One Talks About

Being in a sexless marriage—especially when the topic is off-limits—can feel like being locked out of your own relationship. You may love your partner. You may want to stay. But you’re starving for touch, for closeness, for reassurance that you’re still wanted.

Over time, this can lead to:

• Feeling rejected or undesirable

• Deep self-doubt and confusion

• Emotional isolation, even when you're side by side

• Resentment that quietly builds

• A fear that you’ll never feel connected again

You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for partnership.

Why This Happens (And What’s Really Going On)

Sexless marriages happen for lots of reasons. Illness, trauma, medication side effects, mental health struggles, or unspoken resentment can all play a role. And sometimes, the silence around the issue becomes just as painful as the lack of sex itself.

But here’s a key distinction: when your partner won’t talk about it, seek help, or even acknowledge the problem—it creates a power imbalance. You’re doing all the emotional labor, while they get to pretend it’s not happening.

That’s not sustainable. And it’s not fair.

What You Can Do (Even If They Won’t Talk)

Let’s get honest about the hard part first: you can’t force your partner to open up or go to therapy. You can ask. You can explain how it’s affecting you. But you can’t control their willingness to grow.

So the question becomes: What can YOU do with the reality you’re living in?

Here are some paths you might explore:

1. Speak from the Heart—One More Time

Sometimes, partners don’t realize how serious things have gotten. You might say:

“I love you deeply. But our lack of intimacy and the silence around it are really painful for me. I need to know if we can work on this together—or if I’m going to have to start making decisions for my own well-being.”

This isn’t an ultimatum. It’s a truth-telling moment.

2. Seek Therapy—Even If They Won’t

You don’t need your partner to attend therapy for you to get help. Working with a therapist can help you:

• Clarify what you want

• Process grief and confusion

• Find tools to communicate more clearly

• Make empowered choices for your future

Some people stay. Some people leave. Some people renegotiate the rules of the relationship. But doing it with support can make all the difference.

3. Stop Protecting Them from the Truth

Often, the partner who’s withdrawing sexually also avoids emotional accountability. You may have fallen into the role of caretaker—avoiding hard conversations so they don’t spiral, shielding them from discomfort, keeping the peace.

But this can come at a cost to your peace.

You are allowed to stop minimizing your needs.

4. Name What’s Not Working—Out Loud

It’s okay to say:

“I miss feeling close to you.”
“I need physical connection to feel secure in our relationship.”
“I’m struggling and I can’t pretend this doesn’t matter to me.”

Silence won’t make this problem go away. It usually makes it harder to repair later.

5. Reconnect with Yourself

When we’re deprived of affection, we start to shrink emotionally. You might stop dressing up, stop caring for yourself, stop dreaming.

Pause. Breathe. Come back to yourself.

• What brings you joy?

• Who in your life makes you feel seen?

• What boundaries need to be set—emotionally or physically?

You deserve a life that includes warmth, touch, and intimacy—whatever that means for you.

6. Ask: What Am I Willing to Live With?

You don’t need to decide everything today. But asking questions like…

• “Can I imagine five more years like this?”

• “What would need to change for me to stay?”

• “If I didn’t feel guilty or afraid, what would I want?”

…can help you get honest with yourself.

Some couples rebuild. Some don’t. But clarity is a gift, even when it’s painful.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone in This

If you’re reading this with tears in your eyes or a lump in your throat, I see you. You’re not the only one who feels unwanted, stuck, or lost in a marriage that doesn’t reflect the intimacy you need.

And you are not crazy or selfish or overreacting for wanting more.

Whether you choose to stay and fight for connection—or choose yourself and walk away—you deserve a relationship where your needs matter.

Therapy Can Help You Figure This Out

I offer individual and couples therapy across Texas—virtually and confidentially—for people navigating the silence and sadness of sexless marriages.