What Causes a Loss of Attraction in Relationships—And Can You Get It Back?

Mar 16

Written By A G

Attraction is about closeness and intimacy. But what happens when that attraction fades? Does it mean something is wrong with the relationship? Can you get it back? These are common questions that many couples ask and can bring them into counseling.

You may ask yourself, what changed between us? Why is my partner avoiding intimacy? Is this just a phase or a sign that we’ve drifted apart? Many couples experience fluctuations in attraction, and while it can be confusing—even scary—it doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is in trouble or you will separate/divorce. More often than not, attraction fades for a reason, and coming to an understanding can help your partnership.

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Why Does Attraction Fade in Long-Term Relationships?

Attraction isn’t fixed and comes and goes. It’s entirely normal for the intensity of attraction to change over time. Here are common reasons attraction fades:

1. Emotional Disconnection

Attraction needs emotional closeness. Life gets in the way. And when emotional closeness fades, physical attraction often follows.

2. Unresolved Resentment or Conflict

Attraction can’t survive in an environment filled with resentment. Even if the conflict seems small, it can create an emotional distance, making it hard to feel affectionate or drawn to your partner.

3. Routine and Predictability

Initially, everything is new and exciting and is part of the “honeymoon” phase. Over time, relationships settle into a routine. While stability is good (too much isn’t for attraction), too much predictability can make things feel stale, causing attraction to weaken.

4. Stress, Exhaustion, and Mental Load

It’s hard to feel romantic or affectionate when you’re overwhelmed. Work stress, life, and mental exhaustion can take up so much space that there’s little energy left for intimacy. This doesn’t mean attraction is gone forever it means that less stress and more focus on your relationship.

5. Changes in Physical and Emotional Intimacy

Attraction isn’t just about sex. If you and your partner have stopped holding hands, touching, hugging, or engaging in small moments of closeness, the attraction will also likely fade.

Does Losing Attraction Mean the Relationship Is Over?

Not at all. Loss of attraction doesn’t mean something is broken beyond repair it just needs some TLC.

What has changed in our relationship dynamic?
Are there unresolved feelings getting in the way of attraction?
Have we stopped prioritizing emotional or physical intimacy?
Am I experiencing personal stress that is affecting my feelings about my partner?

Attraction can be rebuilt, but it requires intention and effort from both partners.

How to Rebuild Attraction in Your Relationship

If you’re feeling disconnected, there are concrete steps you can take to bring back attraction in a way that feels natural and meaningful.

1. Reconnect Emotionally

Attraction is often a reflection of how connected you feel emotionally. If you and your partner have been caught up in daily routines without much deeper conversation, it’s time to reconnect.

Asking each other meaningful questions instead of just talking about daily tasks
Expressing appreciation for small things your partner does
Spending intentional time together without distractions

2. Bring Back Playfulness and Novelty

Routine can dull attraction, so introducing new experiences can reignite the thrill you once had at the start.

Try a new activity together—a cooking class or a new hobby you both can share
Flirt like you did when you first met—send unexpected compliments
Plan surprises or small gestures to break up the predictability of daily life

3. Prioritize Physical Affection—Even in Small Ways

Physical intimacy isn’t just about sex—it’s about the little moments of touch and closeness that keep a relationship connected. If physical affection has faded, start by reintroducing small, natural gestures.

Hold hands when walking together.
Hug for longer than a quick second
Sit close to each other instead of on opposite ends of the couch
Kiss hello and goodbye, even if it’s just a moment

4. Have an Honest, Open Conversation About It

If attraction has faded, it’s okay to talk about it.

Instead of saying, "I just don’t feel attracted to you anymore," try:

"I miss feeling connected to you and want to find ways to bring that back."
"Life has been so busy lately, and I don’t think we’ve prioritized our relationship as much as we used to."
"I love you and want to make sure we’re both feeling fulfilled emotionally and physically."

5. Consider Couples Therapy If You Feel Stuck

If loss of attraction is tied to deep-seated resentment, emotional wounds, or long-standing conflict, therapy can help you unpack those struggles in a supportive space. Therapy can help with: emotional disconnection. Improve communication about needs and desires and assist in rebuilding intimacy and trust.

Final Thoughts: Attraction Is Something You Can Nurture

If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, that doesn’t mean the relationship is failing. It means it’s time to slow down and intentionally rebuild physical and emotional connections.

With effort, openness, and a willingness to reconnect, attraction can not only return—it can grow into something even deeper and more fulfilling.

If you and your partner are having a hard time with intimacy or unresolved relationship challenges, Sagebrush Counseling is here to help. We can help couples all throughout Texas. Couples therapy can provide the tools and support needed to rebuild attraction and connect again. Reach out today to take the next step in your relationship.