Spouse or Roommate? Take This Quiz to Find Out
Are You Living as Partners or Just Sharing a Space?
In couples counseling, many couples ask if they are more like roommates or lovers. It’s a common question, and this quiz can help you find out if you might be.
Emotional connection and shared purpose create a strong foundation for a healthy marriage or partnership. But over time, many couples feel more like roommates, doing daily chores (no one likes the dishes), paying bills, and living side by side but lacking emotional closeness and the sexiness that comes with the beginning of early relationships (the honeymoon phase). If you've wondered whether you and your partner are thriving as a couple or simply living as roommates, this quiz can help you understand where you stand.
Take the Quiz: Are You Spouses or Roommates?
Instructions: Keep track of your answers and tally your score at the end.
When you and your partner have free time together, you typically:
A) Plan a fun activity or date, or enjoy deep conversations.
B) Do separate things or focus on tasks like errands and chores.
How often do you express affection through hugs, kisses, or physical touch?
A) Daily—it’s an important part of our relationship.
B) Rarely or only out of habit.
When you need emotional support, your partner:
A) Listens, validates my feelings, and offers comfort.
B) Seems uninterested or gives practical advice.
Do you and your partner regularly discuss your feelings, goals, and relationship needs?
A) Yes, we have meaningful conversations about our relationship.
B) We mainly talk about logistics, schedules, or surface-level topics.
How often do you laugh and have fun together?
A) Often—we enjoy each other’s company and make each other smile.
B) Rarely—our interactions feel more routine than playful.
How do you handle disagreements?
A) We communicate openly and resolve conflicts respectfully.
B) We avoid talking about problems or arguing without resolution.
When did you last have a meaningful date or romantic experience together?
A) Within the last month.
B) I honestly can’t remember.
Do you feel emotionally close and connected to your partner?
A) Yes, I feel supported, valued, and understood.
B) No, we feel distant even when we’re together.
Do you and your partner express appreciation for each other?
A) Yes, we regularly acknowledge each other’s efforts and qualities.
B) No, appreciation feels unspoken or nonexistent.
How do you feel when you imagine spending the rest of your life with your partner?
A) Secure, happy, and hopeful about our future together.
B) Unsure, disconnected, or even lonely.
Do you and your partner share common long-term goals and values?
A) Yes, we regularly discuss and align our life goals.
B) No, we seem to be heading in different directions.
How often do you engage in deep, meaningful conversations?
A) Frequently—we connect beyond daily routines.
B) Seldom—we mainly talk about work, kids, or household tasks.
Do you prioritize quality time together without distractions?
A) Yes, we intentionally set aside time for each other.
B) No, we are often preoccupied with separate responsibilities.
How do you handle household responsibilities?
A) We share duties fairly and work as a team.
B) One of us takes on most of the responsibilities.
When facing major life decisions, do you discuss them together?
A) Always—we make important choices as a team.
B) Not always—one of us often decides without full discussion.
How often do you make future plans together?
A) Regularly—we discuss vacations, milestones, and life goals.
B) Rarely—we focus mostly on day-to-day responsibilities.
Do you celebrate each other's achievements and milestones?
A) Yes, we acknowledge and cheer for each other’s successes.
B) No, we rarely celebrate personal or professional accomplishments.
When you're apart, do you miss each other?
A) Yes, I look forward to reuniting and sharing my day.
B) Not really, I don’t feel much difference.
Do you still flirt or compliment each other?
A) Yes, we actively keep the romance alive.
B) No, we rarely express attraction anymore.
How do you handle stress as a couple?
A) We support and comfort each other during tough times.
B) We each deal with stress separately.
Do you feel emotionally safe discussing your vulnerabilities?
A) Yes, I feel comfortable opening up about my fears and insecurities.
B) No, I avoid sharing deep emotions with my partner.
Do you feel that your partner understands your emotional needs?
A) Yes, they make an effort to meet my emotional needs.
B) No, I often feel misunderstood.
Do you engage in small acts of kindness for each other?
A) Yes, we do little things to show love and care.
B) No, we no longer go out of our way for each other.
Do you ever feel like you’re leading separate lives?
A) No, we stay connected even through our busy schedules.
B) Yes, we barely spend intentional time together.
How would you describe your overall relationship dynamic?
A) A partnership built on love, trust, and mutual support.
B) More like two individuals managing life under one roof.
Quiz Results
Mostly A’s: Partners in Connection: You and your partner prioritize emotional intimacy and shared experiences. You actively engage with each other in ways that strengthen your relationship. Keep nurturing your connection with quality time, open communication, and expressions of appreciation.
Mainly B’s: Roommates in a Relationship: Your relationship may have shifted into autopilot mode—handling daily life together but lacking the emotional depth of a true partnership. If you feel more like roommates than romantic partners, reconnecting and addressing the growing distance might be time.
How to Reignite the Connection
If your results indicate more of a roommate dynamic, don’t worry. It happens in a lot of partnerships. Many couples experience this shift, but small changes can bring back emotional closeness. Here are a few steps you can take:
Prioritize meaningful time together—schedule date nights or weekend activities.
Start daily check-ins—ask each other about feelings, not just tasks.
Express affection regularly—even small moments of physical touch matter.
Revisit what brought you together—discuss memories, dreams, and future goals.
When to Seek Couples Therapy
If the distance feels overwhelming, therapy can help. As a Texas-based couples therapist, I work with partners to rebuild intimacy, communication, and connection. You can live anywhere in the state of Texas to start counseling online. Reach out today to schedule an appointment or if you have questions about how therapy works.
If this quiz resonated with you, let’s talk. Book an online therapy session today.
