Which Attachment Style is Most Likely to Cheat?
Some couples seem to have it figured out, while others seem always to be going through something. Every person comes into a relationship having an attachment style. Think of it as everything, good and bad, that we carry from our childhood into our love lives. Whether you’re the type to text back in a flash or you tend to keep things super chill, getting a handle on your attachment style could help you figure out why you and your significant other mesh so well—or you might be hitting a rough patch.
Getting to Know Attachment Styles
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, suggests that the bonds we form early in life with our caregivers influence our adult relationships. These bonds, or attachment styles, fall into four main categories:
Secure Attachment
Anxious Attachment
Avoidant Attachment
Disorganized Attachment
Each style influences how we approach intimacy, trust, and conflict within our relationships.
Secure Attachment
Characteristics: High self-esteem, comfortable with intimacy, able to depend on partners.
Relationship Dynamics: Securely attached individuals tend to have stable and long-lasting relationships. They communicate openly and are good at managing conflicts.
Anxious Attachment
Characteristics: Low self-esteem, sensitivity to partners’ actions, fears of abandonment.
Relationship Dynamics: Anxiously attached individuals may be clingy, need constant reassurance, and have a heightened perception of relationship threats.
Avoidant Attachment
Characteristics: Emotionally distant, values independence over intimacy, uncomfortable with being too close.
Relationship Dynamics: Avoidant individuals may suppress their feelings and withdraw from their partner instead of addressing issues directly.
Disorganized Attachment
Characteristics: Mixture of avoidant and anxious behaviors, unpredictable reactions, and often confusion about what they want from relationships.
Relationship Dynamics: Disorganized individuals can be erratic and have fears about intimacy but also fear being too distant.
Which Attachment Style Is More Likely to Cheat?
While anyone can cheat regardless of their background or personality, research suggests that certain attachment styles are associated with a higher risk of infidelity. The study found that people who feel more anxious or distant in their relationships are more likely to cheat on their spouse. On the other hand, those who feel more secure and connected in their relationships are less likely to be unfaithful.
People who struggle with feeling insecure in relationships—like being very anxious or emotionally distant—are more likely to cheat on their spouse. That’s why couples therapy can help relationships, as it focuses on these relationship patterns, especially when dealing with infidelity.
Here's how each style might behave when it comes to the likelihood of cheating:
Avoidant Attachment: The Independence Seeker
Why They Might Cheat: Avoidant individuals value independence and often feel smothered by close relationships. Cheating may allow them to feel a sense of freedom without confronting relationship issues.
Common Behaviors:
Distancing themselves when things get too intimate.
Having difficulty opening up about their feelings.
Anxious Attachment: The Insecurity-Driven
Why They Might Cheat: Anxious individuals may cheat as a misguided attempt to find security or reassurance outside their primary relationship, especially if they feel neglected or overly dependent on their partner’s approval.
Common Behaviors:
Overly attached or clingy behavior.
Constantly seeking validation from their partner or others.
Disorganized Attachment: The Conflicted Partner
Why They Might Cheat: Those with disorganized attachment face mixed feelings about intimacy and independence, which can lead to inconsistent and unpredictable behavior, including infidelity.
Common Behaviors:
Swinging between hot and cold in the relationship.
Unpredictable responses to partner’s closeness or distance.
Secure Attachment: The Loyal Companion
Why They Are Less Likely to Cheat: Securely attached individuals tend to be reliable and honest, making them less likely to cheat. They are more apt to address relationship issues directly rather than seeking outside relationships.
Common Behaviors:
Consistent and reliable in their relationships.
Good communication and conflict resolution skills.
Strengthening Your Relationship: Tips for Every Attachment Style
Discussing attachment styles can be a big step for any relationship. Here are some strategies for each attachment style to have healthier and stable relationships:
For Secure Attachments
Maintain Open Communication: Continue to invest in open and honest communication.
Support Your Partner’s Growth: Encourage them to address their attachment-related challenges.
For Anxious Attachments
Reassurance is Key: Provide consistent reassurance to help mitigate fears of abandonment.
Encourage Independence: Help your partner find hobbies or activities they can enjoy independently.
For Avoidant Attachments
Respect Need for Space: Understand their need for independence and don’t take it personally.
Encourage Emotional Openness: Gently encourage them to express their feelings and needs.
For Disorganized Attachments
Provide Stability: Offer a consistent and stable environment to help manage their fears.
Seek Professional Help: Counseling can be very beneficial in understanding and managing mixed feelings about intimacy.
Conclusion
While attachment styles provide a helpful framework for understanding potential relationship behaviors, you have the power to change and become securely attached to your partner. Infidelity is a complex issue influenced by many factors. By open communication, understanding each partner’s emotional background, and occasionally seeking professional counseling, couples can build stronger, more trusting relationships.
Whether you're looking to heal after infidelity or to strengthen your bond, reaching out to us at Sagebrush to get to know your partner on a deeper level can make your bond stronger and build the relationship you deserve. Schedule a counseling session today!
