How to Deal with Loneliness in College: Tips for Building Connection & Confidence
Loneliness in college isn’t something people talk about enough. From the outside, it might seem like everyone else is effortlessly making friends. But the truth? Feeling lonely in college is incredibly common.
Maybe you’ve moved to a new city, away from everything familiar. Perhaps you’re surrounded by people but don’t feel truly connected to anyone. Or maybe you’re struggling to find where you fit in.
If you’re feeling isolated, you’re not alone.
Why Do So Many College Students Feel Lonely?
There’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Some people love their alone time, while others feel disconnected.
If you’re lonely in college, there’s a good chance one of these factors is playing a role:
1. You’re in a New Environment
Everything has changed. That’s a lot to adjust to, and it takes time to rebuild a support system. Whether you went to a local college or a college miles from home, you’re still in a new place.
2. You Haven’t Found “Your People” Yet
In high school, friendships often form naturally. You may have had friends in high school or found yourself in codependent friendships. In college, it takes more effort to find like-minded people. Feeling like an outsider is easy when you haven’t seen a friend group that feels like home.
3. Social Anxiety or Fear of Rejection
Putting yourself out there is scary. Fearing that the other person might reject you, whether you were rejected before or not, most people don’t like rejection because it can be uncomfortable. It is a normal emotion to feel.
4. The Pressure to “Have It All Together”
Social media makes it seem like everyone is thriving in college—going to parties and having a grand time- all that looks fun. But social media is a highlight reel, not reality. Many students struggle with loneliness.
5. It’s Harder Than Expected to Stay Connected with Old Friends
Maybe your high school friends are at different schools, and staying in touch isn’t as easy as you thought. Even if you text or FaceTime, it doesn’t feel the same.
How to Build Connection & Confidence in College
Loneliness doesn’t just go away by itself. It takes small, intentional steps to create connection and belonging. The good news? Even tiny shifts can make a big difference.
Here are some ways to start:
1. Stop Waiting for People to Come to You
Connection rarely happens by accident. If you’re waiting for someone to invite you into their friend group or magically recognize that you want company, you might be waiting a long time.
Instead of hoping people will reach out, try:
Sitting next to someone in class and starting a small conversation can be a big move
Saying yes to invitations
Asking a classmate to study or grab coffee/lunch after class
It might initially feel awkward, but most people appreciate it when someone makes the first move socially.
2. Get Comfortable with Being a Little Uncomfortable
Making new friends means stepping out of your comfort zone. That could mean introducing yourself to someone in the dining hall or initiating a conversation at a social event.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable at first. But pushing through that initial awkwardness opens the door for real connections.
3. Find Your Spaces
Not every social environment will be the right fit, and that’s okay.
Some great ways to meet people include:
Campus clubs and organizations (especially ones aligned with your interests)
Intramural sports or fitness classes
Volunteering or community service groups
Student government or leadership groups
Religious or spiritual groups on campus
Academic clubs or study groups
If unsure where to start, check your school’s student activities website or attend a club fair. Try a few different spaces until you find what feels right.
4. Be Open to Different Kinds of Friendships
Not every friendship has to be an instant connection. Some friendships start as study partners, workout buddies, or casual acquaintances before deepening. Permit yourself to let connections unfold naturally instead of expecting immediate best-friend-level closeness.
5. Shift How You Think About Social Interactions
Instead of whether people will like you, focus on making others feel comfortable and included. This slight shift can take the pressure off and make socializing feel easier.
For example:
Instead of thinking, What if I say something weird?, try thinking, How can I make this person feel at ease?
Instead of worrying, what if they don’t like me? Remember, I’m here to get to know people and see who I click with.
6. Lean Into Routine-Based Connections
Not every friendship starts with a deep conversation. Sometimes, it’s built through consistency.
If you see the same people in class, at the gym, or in your dorm’s common area, start acknowledging them. A simple “Hey, how’s your day going?” can evolve into a real connection.
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Support
If loneliness is starting to impact your mental health, it’s okay to seek help. Many colleges offer counseling services, peer support groups, and wellness programs to help you navigate these feelings.
Therapy isn’t just for crisis moments—it can help you build confidence and create healthier social habits.
Remember: You’re Not Alone in Feeling Alone
Loneliness in college isn’t a reflection of who you are—it’s just a transition phase. Thousands of students experience the same thing every year, even if they don’t talk about it.
Building meaningful connections takes time. Some days, it will feel more straightforward than others. Some days, you’ll have to push through discomfort and uncertainty. But slowly, with small steps and consistent effort, you’ll feel more connected.
And in the meantime? Be kind to yourself. Loneliness isn’t a flaw—it’s just a signal that you crave connection. Keep showing up, reaching out, and trusting that things will shift. You won’t feel like this forever.
If you need extra support, Sagebrush Counseling is here to help. We work with college students navigating social anxiety, confidence issues, and transitions like going to college. You don’t have to go through this alone—reach out today to schedule a session.
