Red Flags That Shouldn’t Be Ignored & Green Flags to Look For

Feb 16

Written By A G

Relationships are complicated. They can be exciting but they can also be confusing. One of the biggest struggles people face—whether they’re dating, in a long-term relationship, or even married—is figuring out whether their relationship is healthy or if they’re making excuses for behavior that isn’t okay.

People say things like:

"I don’t know if this is a real problem or I’m overreacting."
"I keep hoping they’ll change, but I don’t know if I should wait it out."
"Everything is great when it’s good, but when it’s bad… it’s really bad."

It’s completely normal to question your relationship at times. No one is perfect, and every relationship will have its ups and downs. But certain red flags—warning signs that something isn’t right—should never be ignored. And on the flip side, there are green flags—the signs of a truly healthy, safe, and fulfilling relationship—that can help you know when you’re on the right track.

Red Flags That Should Never Be Ignored

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A red flag isn’t just a bad habit. It’s a pattern of behavior that signals a deeper problem. If you notice one or more of these red flags consistently showing up in your relationship, ignoring them won’t make them go away.

1. They Dismiss Your Feelings

When you bring up something that’s bothering you, do they listen to you or say things like "You’re too sensitive" or "You’re making a big deal out of nothing"?

2. Everything Feels Like Your Fault

That is a big red flag if every argument ends with you apologizing. People who can’t take responsibility for their actions often shift the blame onto their partner. They might say, "You made me act that way," A healthy relationship involves accountability with both of you.

3. They Make You Question Your Reality (Gaslighting)

Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into doubting your memory or how you see something. They might say things like, "That never happened," or "You’re imagining things," Over time, gaslighting can make you doubt yourself and make you feel crazy.

4. They Control Who You Spend Time With

Does your partner get angry or mad when you spend time with others? If they try to isolate you from people or make you feel bad for hanging out with people, big red, big red, flag! Healthy relationships are where both people have independence, not control.

5. They Use the Silent Treatment as Punishment

It’s okay to take space after an argument but shutting you down as punishment is a big flag, that’s red! If your partner ignores you for hours or days without explanation and only re-engages when they feel like it, this is called emotional manipulation.

6. You Feel Drained, Not Energized

A healthy relationship should make you feel supported and safe. If you feel anxious and on edge, pay attention. If you find yourself walking on eggshells around them, you can call this one a red flag too..

Green Flags That Mean You’re in a Healthy Relationship

Now, let’s talk about what a GOOD relationship looks like—the green flags that tell you you’re on the right track.

1. They Listen and Validate Your Feelings

A good partner doesn’t have to agree with you 100% of the time. However, they listen to you and acknowledge what you’re saying. Instead of saying "That’s not a big deal," they say, "I see why that upset you. Let’s talk about it. Instead of shutting down, they remain present and listen. Relationships are about listening and nurturing.

2. You Can Disagree Without Fear

Healthy relationships aren’t about never arguing it's all about working through disagreements in a healthy, constructive way. If you feel safe bringing up issues without fearing their reaction, that’s a great sign.

3. They Own Their Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes, but in healthy relationships, someone can say hey I did that wrong.

4. You Feel Free to Be Yourself

In a good relationship, you never feel like you have to shrink yourself down or make the other person only see one side of you. Full acceptance is what a good relationship is all about. You can laugh, share your weird thoughts and be your quirky self!

5. They Make You Feel Secure, Not Anxious

You don’t have to wonder where you stand or constantly question whether they care.

6. You Feel Happy, More Than You Feel Stressed

Every relationship has its hard moments, but in a good one, you’ll feel happy more than angry or walking on eggshells.

Final Thoughts: Green Flags Show Us What Healthy Connection Looks Like

Red flags don’t mean someone is a terrible person it’s paying attention to them and seeing if this is healthy behavior. On the flip side, green flags remind us what healthy love looks like. If your partner listens, supports, and respects you, what a great relationship to be in.

And if you’re in relationship patterns of self-doubt, or knowing what’s healthy vs. unhealthy, therapy can help. At Sagebrush Counseling, we support individuals and couples who need help with communication or understanding one another better.

If you’re ready to explore what a healthy relationship looks like for you, reach out today.