Why Won't He Leave Her if He's Unhappy?
If He’s Unhappy, Why Won’t He Leave Her?
If you’re in a relationship with a man who is married or already in a committed relationship, you might find yourself waiting for him to leave his partner or can’t stop thinking about when he’ll leave. He tells you he’s unhappy, that things aren’t working, that you’re what he truly wants—but he still hasn’t left. So, why won’t he leave her if he’s unhappy?
This situation is more common than you might think, and the reasons behind it are often more complicated than he admits. If you’re feeling confused, frustrated, or stuck, it’s important to take a step back and consider why he’s still there and what that means for you.
1. He’s Comfortable With Familiarity
Even if he says he’s unhappy, his current relationship is familiar. Leaving would mean facing the change in his routine and starting over. Many people choose comfort over happiness, especially if they’ve been with someone for a long time. Red Flag: He tells you he’s unhappy but never makes actual moves to change his situation.
2. He Feels Obligated to Stay
Guilt can be a motivator to stay in a relationship or marriage. He may feel responsible for his partner’s well-being. Especially if they’ve built a life together, whether that includes kids, finances, attachment, or shared responsibilities. Many men convince themselves that leaving would make them the “bad guy,” even if the relationship isn’t working. Red Flag: He constantly talks about his guilt but never about solutions to you.
3. He’s Afraid of Getting a Divorce
Divorces and breakups can be messy. The thought of hurting his partner, disappointing his family, or dealing with financial or legal complications may feel overwhelming. He may also worry about how it will look to others if he immediately moves on to a new relationship. Red Flag: He says he needs to “wait for the right time” but can’t define what that means.
4. He Still Loves Her in Some Way
It’s possible to be unhappy in a relationship but still love someone. He may be emotionally conflicted, feeling drawn to you while still feeling loyalty to his current partner. Red Flag: He tells you he loves you but prioritizes her over you.
5. He’s Not That Unhappy
Sometimes, men exaggerate their unhappiness to justify stepping outside their relationship. He may say he’s unhappy to make you feel special or to ease his guilt. But in reality, he has no real intention of leaving. Red Flag: He acts strange when he’s with her vs. when he’s with you.
6. He’s Afraid of Being Alone
Even if he has feelings for you, he may not be ready to walk away from his relationship fully. Some men stay because the idea of starting over is terrifying. They would rather have a strained relationship than face loneliness. Red Flag: He jumps between promising a future with you and pulling away.
7. He Likes the Best of Both Worlds and Escape
For some men, being in two relationships simultaneously offers the excitement and escape they crave. They may enjoy the passion they share with you while still wanting the stability of their current relationship. Red Flag: He keeps making promises about leaving but never follows through.
8. He Doesn’t Want to Hurt His Children
If he has kids, he may feel that leaving would impact them. He might tell himself that staying is the best way to keep his family together. Red Flag: He says he’s only staying “for the kids” but makes no real effort to change things.
9. He’s Waiting for His Partner to End It First
Some men avoid confrontation and conflict at all costs. Instead of making a decision, they wait for their partner to end things first, so they don’t have to be the one to leave. Red Flag: He complains about his relationship but never takes action.
10. He Never Really Planned to Leave
The hardest truth? Some men say they’re unhappy as a way to keep you around without actually making any real changes. They may enjoy the excitement of the affair or the emotional support you provide but never intend to leave their relationship in the first place. Red Flag: You feel like you’re always waiting, but nothing changes.
What You Should Ask Yourself
If you’ve been waiting for him to leave his partner, take a step back and ask yourself:
How long have I been waiting? If months (or years) have passed without change, that’s a red flag.
Does he back up his words with actions? He may be stringing you along if he constantly promises a future but never makes moves.
Do I feel emotionally fulfilled in this relationship? If you feel anxious, neglected, or waiting for crumbs, this might not be the right path.
What to Do Next
If you’re stuck in a relationship waiting for someone to leave their partner, it may be time to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being. Here are a few steps to consider:
Have an honest conversation – Ask him for clarity. If he can’t give you a timeline or plan, that’s a sign he may never leave. Focus on what YOU want – Are you happy waiting? Is this relationship meeting your emotional needs? Consider walking away – If he hasn’t gone by now, he probably won’t. It may be painful, but staying in a situation where you’re always second is emotionally exhausting. Seek support – Whether through therapy, friends, or journaling, talking about your feelings can help you gain perspective and make the best decision.
Final Thoughts
If you’re asking yourself, “Why won’t he leave her if he’s unhappy?” look at his actions, not just his words. People who want to be with you will make it happen, not leave you waiting indefinitely. You deserve clarity, honesty, and a relationship that makes you feel secure—not like an option.
If you need help navigating difficult relationship decisions, schedule a therapy session today → Book an Appointment.